Parenting & Family

Do you always have someone at home (spouse or even family member) to watch your children at home?

  • Last Updated:
  • Aug 21st, 2021 10:45 pm
[OP]
Penalty Box
Jun 24, 2015
7227 posts
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Do you always have someone at home (spouse or even family member) to watch your children at home?

I noticed in my neighbourhood theres lots of families with at least one family member who is always home with their children watching them and caring for them when most of the people I know personally both partners work and have a hard time finding someone to watch their kids especially with baby sitters and day cares, its not always easy. When there is a covid outbreak at daycares the daycares will shut down and the kids will all be sent home to quarentine for 10 days, and some even have to take a covid test, while both parents have an obligation to continue working their job, or risk losing their job completely or not getting paid to take time off to watch kids,

Not sure if the people out there with family members know that ohters are struggling to not only put food on the table but have a tough time finding someone to watch their kids during the summer.
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23 replies
Deal Fanatic
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Nov 13, 2010
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Welcome to individualized society/culture, now people have no one to care for kids while they go work/slave away to pay some bank's debt/mortgage, etc.
They don't like or want their parents to live with them, they want stay alone. Or they wanna all work for careers.
Ofcourse the small sized apartments and homes also don't make it easy to have large families.

Learn to live with 1 income. Let one spouse stay home, or have grandparents help/live with you if available.

Isn't this why Canadians/immigrants wanted to sponsor their parents to Canada? For larger family and to support and care for each other?
But people here are against that (reasoning given that burden on healthcare)
.
Sell the home and move into rental apartment and have wife stay home ??
Or move back home or let family live there till kids are older?

It is extremely important for parents to stay/give/care for their own kids rather than depend on some stranger at some daycare.
Even more significant AFTER covid19 since this ain't going away anytime soon..........
[OP]
Penalty Box
Jun 24, 2015
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Umm hope you know one income in Canada is surely not enough to survive while owning a house and living in the burbs. you need atleast 2 incomes, maybe 20-40 years ago, you could get away with one income and another partner stay home but uh nah not today. so how do these people do it?
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Deal Expert
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Jan 9, 2011
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My wife and I both worked part time when the kids were little, so one of us was always at home. We never used daycare or had a nanny. We kept this up until they were old enough to come home from school by themselves and be at home alone for a few hours until we got home.

Yes this caused a lot of lost income but we have no regrets. We also missed out on buying a home. It's too late for us now. We don't have nearly enough working years left to pay off a mortgage in this market if we start now. So we live in a housing co-op which is affordable.

People kept telling us that we'd regret these decisions later because we will have less retirement savings, no home equity, and reduced pensions. I suppose that's possible. But how many people on their deathbeds look back over their lives and think "damn. I wish I had spent less time with the kids when they were little and more time at work." Not many. It's always the other way around. I consider the time I spent with my kids when they were little to be one of the best "investments" I ever made. Time will tell if I live to regret that decision but I have a strong feeling that I won't.
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Oct 2, 2018
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My wife stayed home with the kids for the first 5 or 6 years, with her mother coming over at times to give my wife a break for some sanity at times. After the age of 5 or 6 my wife and I both worked, we were fortunate to have my mother in law who was retired come up to our place Sunday evening to Friday night to take care of our children. So while we all make sacrifices on money and/or privacy we were able to raise wonderful children in an ideal environment.

Not everyone has that support, it is important however that someone is there to take care of the kids all the time whether daycare, family or other. We can debate what is best but that is a moot point as no one is in the same position in life, having your kids watched is the important thing in the end.
Youth is the gift of nature, age is a work of art.
Deal Addict
Mar 24, 2015
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Ottawa, ON
I have very flexible working hours and can work from home, and it was like that even before covid so it was easy for me to be home watching the kids when they were not at school. I was doing the drop off and pick up on school days. I'd usually be home by 4pm. My neighbours have babysitters, are stay at home moms, and some relatives have the grandparents who live with them.

For my husband and I, we prefer to look after our kids ourselves and make time for it. We rarely ask the grandparents, only in case of emergency like if one of us had to go to hospital etc.

I had a very stressful job when I had my first which also required long commute. Changing to a different job with more flexibility, closer to home made a huge difference in our lives and was one of the reasons why we had our second, and recently third and fourth. Another reason being affordability for daycare/camps etc.
Last edited by ckay1980 on Aug 14th, 2021 2:02 am, edited 1 time in total.
Deal Addict
Nov 8, 2005
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apnayloags wrote: Welcome to individualized society/culture, now people have no one to care for kids while they go work/slave away to pay some bank's debt/mortgage, etc.
They don't like or want their parents to live with them, they want stay alone. Or they wanna all work for careers.
Ofcourse the small sized apartments and homes also don't make it easy to have large families.

Learn to live with 1 income. Let one spouse stay home, or have grandparents help/live with you if available.

Isn't this why Canadians/immigrants wanted to sponsor their parents to Canada? For larger family and to support and care for each other?
But people here are against that (reasoning given that burden on healthcare)
.
Sell the home and move into rental apartment and have wife stay home ??
Or move back home or let family live there till kids are older?

It is extremely important for parents to stay/give/care for their own kids rather than depend on some stranger at some daycare.
Even more significant AFTER covid19 since this ain't going away anytime soon..........
Our economy would suffer greatly if we became single income families again. And the cost of living has become far too high for one income to support others. There are some that could make it work, but for the vast majority of people, the cost of housing (whether it's a mortgage or rent) is far too high to survive on one income. In my small town a decent 3 bedroom apartment is 1600+. Twice that in a major city like KW, GTA, Hamilton. The cost of housing has driven people further out so two vehicles are now a necessity.

It's nice to reminisce about the old days, but it won't happen again. The gig economy is here to stay.
Sr. Member
Dec 12, 2005
880 posts
310 upvotes
Richmond
We used daycares and before/after school care when kids were young. Luckily, we live near the school, 5 minutes away. I just trained (transitioned slowly until he was confident) my youngest last June on going to school and coming home by himself (thank God for the wfh opportunity). Once pandemic is over, we’ll see how summer will be like as I don’t like the idea of elementary-aged kids at home during summer with no adults around.
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Nov 13, 2010
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Kiraly wrote: My wife and I both worked part time when the kids were little, so one of us was always at home. We never used daycare or had a nanny. We kept this up until they were old enough to come home from school by themselves and be at home alone for a few hours until we got home.

Yes this caused a lot of lost income but we have no regrets. We also missed out on buying a home. It's too late for us now. We don't have nearly enough working years left to pay off a mortgage in this market if we start now. So we live in a housing co-op which is affordable.

People kept telling us that we'd regret these decisions later because we will have less retirement savings, no home equity, and reduced pensions. I suppose that's possible. But how many people on their deathbeds look back over their lives and think "damn. I wish I had spent less time with the kids when they were little and more time at work." Not many. It's always the other way around. I consider the time I spent with my kids when they were little to be one of the best "investments" I ever made. Time will tell if I live to regret that decision but I have a strong feeling that I won't.
You will never regret that sir. You did great.
Spending life working for some illusion of "ownership" consist of some wood/bricks compared to children is never worth it.

My uncle and his wife spent all their lives working to pay off mortgages, buying bigger houses, etc. Guess what happened. Their kids don't care for them, kids dropped out of HS, meanwhile uncle got illness, and is now a vegetable in a $1.5mil home they spent whole life working for that.
They regret everyday what they did for bigger home/mortgage while all the kids left......they never cared for kids other than providing food/shelter but never spent time with them. Always working 7 days a week, overtime and all. now kids don't care for them.

I'm sure your kids appreciate you for sacrificing for them. Some debt is never priority over priceless children.
Children first priority, always.
[OP]
Penalty Box
Jun 24, 2015
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Daycares only operate in the Day time and cater to people who work Monday to Friday during the Daytime only. Daycares do NOT cater to people who work shift work. People who work shift work need someone at home to watch their children, often they have to pay $$$ out of their $$$, Back in the day someone stayted home it was often the wife and watched the kids while the parner (husband) worked, but in todays society women are just as hard workers as man, so that means the women is now doing as much work as the man, and now we need someone to stay home to watch children during the summer time, not everyone can take their kids to daycare theres waiting lists, and theres also wifes who "forget" to register on time and its too late theyre all booked. and not every kids grandparents are retired a lot of grandparents are under 65 and still work so you cant take your kids to stay with them in the summer. but then theres the people who always have a wife who sits at home all day long and thinks its normal and dont have a care or worry in the world and cant understand why their neighbour with kids is so stressed out
Say NO to the WAR!
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Nov 13, 2010
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GoodFellaz wrote: Daycares only operate in the Day time and cater to people who work Monday to Friday during the Daytime only. Daycares do NOT cater to people who work shift work. People who work shift work need someone at home to watch their children, often they have to pay $$$ out of their $$$, Back in the day someone stayted home it was often the wife and watched the kids while the parner (husband) worked, but in todays society women are just as hard workers as man, so that means the women is now doing as much work as the man, and now we need someone to stay home to watch children during the summer time, not everyone can take their kids to daycare theres waiting lists, and theres also wifes who "forget" to register on time and its too late theyre all booked. and not every kids grandparents are retired a lot of grandparents are under 65 and still work so you cant take your kids to stay with them in the summer. but then theres the people who always have a wife who sits at home all day long and thinks its normal and dont have a care or worry in the world and cant understand why their neighbour with kids is so stressed out
Agree with most of what you said. The shitty "shift" system created here in this country and in usa etc has done this disservice to families or the family system.
As long as the majority of population is/was willing to slave away, work 2 jobs, anytime anywhere led THEM to create this system of capitalism and individualistic society.
When the systems and society brainwashes you to live alone, be "independent" and have "complete freedoms" this is one of the results. All for some illusion of "home ownership" and advancement. Now these people who get into that system are "stressed out" when they should be living happily. Fights, divorces etc on the rise in this developed country which has so many resources? Mental health issues amongst youth . ? And then they cry about a low population and have to import people via immigration programs.

In the olden days, people lived in joint families, women mostly stayed home(some even worked in those days, or worked in the fields with their men), and had happier lives which were fulfilling and quite stressfree and managed to live lives. Divorce rates were low, and people lived better. Now in the competitive rats competition, every other person is offended easily, has mental issues or can't handle life. Media brainwashing quite good when they show its good life here while its crap in 3rd world. people here don't believe it but the countries with happiest people are those where they don't have these crippling systems or pressures on families. They're not stressed out as much over there, they still eat food and go on with their lives. Even the immigrants who came here end up falling into the same system. At the end - broken families and broken homes and broken children. It's very heartbreaking to see it.

Sacrifice for your children, or you all will be stressed out and end up broken in the end.
Go rent smaller space, make do on 1 income, use 1 vehicle, sell that stupid debt and get free from that never-ending interest.
It's doable but most lack the willpower to do it. they're worries their "friends" will look down at them or they will not be cool anymore.
The stress is avoidable and preventable.
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Jul 5, 2004
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GoodFellaz wrote: Umm hope you know one income in Canada is surely not enough to survive while owning a house and living in the burbs. you need atleast 2 incomes, maybe 20-40 years ago, you could get away with one income and another partner stay home but uh nah not today. so how do these people do it?
Nobody is forcing you to live in the suburbs. There's plenty of areas in this country where one income is sufficient. Or you just need to find a better paying job. Or you need to utilize family. Or you need to utilize daycare.

There's no magic solution. You're asking questions you know the answers to.
[OP]
Penalty Box
Jun 24, 2015
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all my friends who moved to the "sticks" can afford a house but now have a hard time finding a good paying job in the sticks, now they want to move back to toronto cus thats where all the good paying jobs are
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Jul 12, 2003
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Is OP here just to troll or actually asking for a suggestion or to solve a problem?
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[OP]
Penalty Box
Jun 24, 2015
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what ever happened to just assuming people are here for deals and help and suggestion and feedback? why o why do people have the nerve to suggest people are trolling? we have moderators on here its their job to worry about trolls and thread capping
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GoodFellaz wrote: what ever happened to just assuming people are here for deals and help and suggestion and feedback? why o why do people have the nerve to suggest people are trolling? we have moderators on here its their job to worry about trolls and thread capping
Probably because your question is kind of silly. What magic answer are you looking for?

You either need to make enough to live on one income. I promise you it's doable, although you either need a very good paying job or you need to make sacrifices in life. There's lots of single parents out there that make it work and lots of couples that choose to have one parent stay home.

Or you need to utilize family, friends, babysitters or daycare and have a two income family.

There's no other option. Lots of people use family. Others use daycare . Some work from home. Some work shift work and work opposite shifts as their partner.

You know which applies to you and what doesn't. So what exactly are you looking for that will be helpful to you?
[OP]
Penalty Box
Jun 24, 2015
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or maybe people dont know or understand that hardships exist
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PEACE is the answer!
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Jul 12, 2003
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Hardships exist everywhere doesn't matter being a parent or not, we just have the find a solution for it and make it works.

When someone says no to all solutions and not willing to sacrifice, then it struck.

Hope you find your way out, good luck!
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GoodFellaz wrote: or maybe people dont know or understand that hardships exist
Everyone has their own and different hardships. What are you hoping to gain by having people understand your hardship? What is to gain by looking in on your neighbors and wanting the. To understand your hardships? Did you ask your neighbors how they manage to have someone at home?


We always had a nanny when the kids were young, we had no family that could take care of our kids. We waited longer so we could afford child care to what we wanted, which was a nanny. That was offset by more difficult conceiving and pregnancies because we were older. We also both turned down a handful of promotions so we could have the flexibility in work. My spouse took a budge six figure reduction so he would no longer have to travel and could work from home.

We have friends that arranged their shift work so one could almost be home all the time. The parents pretty much just worked, took care of the kids, and slept (barely) and never saw each other.

Childcare is one of the hardest things to figure out, if you don’t have family that you can’t use, then you have to figure it out and move your life around to make it work. Hopefully he figures this out before they have kids.
On a 'smart' device that isn't always so smart. So please forgive the autocorrects and typos. If it bothers you, then don't read my posts, but don't waste my time correcting me. If you can get past the typos, then my posts generally have some value.

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