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Friends aiming for the same job. Tricky issue.

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Jun 28, 2003
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Friends aiming for the same job. Tricky issue.

Has anyone run into a situation where you applied for a job (could be more than 1 position) and you told your friend who also has similar credentials (and similar situations i.e. struggling to find meaningful employment) to go for it as well and next thing you know, your friend got an offer and you were left hanging ? It could be something from the written exam, it could be something from the interview, either way you were left waiting for the next train while your friend has packed his bags and hopped aboard.

How would you deal with these types of situations ? I know there is a delicate balance that one must maintain...you wanna look out for your friends cuz networking is a 2-way street but you also wanna look after yourself first and foremost. You don't wanna be in a situation where you keep asking yourself: What if, what if...

Does that also explain why some *friends* are hesitant to hook you up with some jobs in their companies ? Does this mean they feel you may take over their jobs one day or do they simply wanna keep the personal and professional life separate ?

Appreciate your thoughts on these sensitive issues.
16 replies
Sr. Member
Dec 16, 2003
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Scar
i experienced these, so i stopped to tell them what i applied.......i feel selfish, i feel bad....i'm confused :confused:
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Aug 24, 2004
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Well.. I think of it this way.

Your friend has an equal chance as you do... and there are about prolly 300 more apps of the similiar calibre on the managers desk.

Don't make something out of it. I tell my I.T. colleagues and friends all of the opportunities I recieve. It is not up to us who gets picked for an interview, its as random as a dice roll.

Now.. when the time comes and one of you isn't selected.. well. Someone owes someone else a favour ;)

lol

Seriously. if they are your friends you are in it to help make each others life better. I'd never want any of my friends abilities to be wasted, or have them plateau over something that could've changed their life.

Sure, I've had a couple backstab me, but.. We're not friends anymore.. Thats simple. In the end, without my help they weren't able to stabilize themselves anyhow and ended up back in the pit where they came from.

Should note that if myself or any of my [rfdlink=/forums/autolink/redirectpage.php?linkid=262]IBM[/rfdlink] buddies ended up working together again, we'd all be fired within a month. We totally got away with murder over there.. and they will all tell you the same thing.

Medal of Honor LAN game anyone? :D
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It's true Codec

Obviously you are happy for your friend who finally got a chance to showcase his talent, so to speak, but at the same time you are left wondering What went wrong, what did I do, what if etc and it isn't the most pleasant feeling in the world LOL

Like i said, it is a delicate issue, i guess you could say May the best man win but you certainly don't want to be the one losing out so in a way yes there is a competition factor and you have to maintain that fine balance.
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Aug 24, 2004
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canabiz wrote:It's true Codec

Obviously you are happy for your friend who finally got a chance to showcase his talent, so to speak, but at the same time you are left wondering What went wrong, what did I do, what if etc and it isn't the most pleasant feeling in the world LOL

Like i said, it is a delicate issue, i guess you could say May the best man win but you certainly don't want to be the one losing out so in a way yes there is a competition factor and you have to maintain that fine balance.
Yea, but ok.. take that scenario. Now you have someone who DID succeed and who you can learn from. Turn the loss and make it a gain..Its not the last opportunity for a job in the world!!

& if they are getting a substancial pay raise, force them to take the guys out for drinks --on him/her ;)

Trust me, in a few days you are gonna see the mother of all job listings in my job thread. Check it out if you have not done so already.. :) I think I'm gonna go over the 10000 character limit.. :lol:
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Sr. Member
Jan 1, 2005
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canabiz wrote: Does that also explain why some *friends* are hesitant to hook you up with some jobs in their companies ? Does this mean they feel you may take over their jobs one day or do they simply wanna keep the personal and professional life separate ?

Appreciate your thoughts on these sensitive issues.
I believe the friends who hesitate to hook you in are simply trying to save themselves their reputations. See, what would happen if you referred a potentially "bad" candidate, and he got hired? Your reputation certainly takes a hit because you've wasted some project's/budget's money and time. You prolly want to refer someone who u know is GOOD.

Perhaps instead of just dumping the contact... You should change the image of you to him ... and it's harder with a warm contact (ie a friend) because he/she known you for a while now. Perhaps he/she knows you as the person who's lazy, copies assignments, whatever reasons. If he knew you were super-smart and hard-working, he would refer you on the spot. (Assuming he's been working there for at least 4-6 months to know the people in there).

my 2cents...

YC
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Dec 28, 2002
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you will reach a point in your career when it's to your benefit to share every job postings you come across. you will encourage your friends and trusted colleagues (or even those you don't get along with) so you can establish ties and build your reputation in the industry. do you lose out? not really.

you're not in-line for every position that pops up -- but there's a "you scratch my back" mentality particularly during downturns so be generous and forward internal postings...because one day you'll depend on your friends to take care of you. if you're qualified and possess excellent people skills you won't worry about competing for jobs *does not apply to professionals past 55*
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Dec 8, 2002
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yell0w_c0w wrote:I believe the friends who hesitate to hook you in are simply trying to save themselves their reputations. See, what would happen if you referred a potentially "bad" candidate, and he got hired? Your reputation certainly takes a hit because you've wasted some project's/budget's money and time. You prolly want to refer someone who u know is GOOD.

Perhaps instead of just dumping the contact... You should change the image of you to him ... and it's harder with a warm contact (ie a friend) because he/she known you for a while now. Perhaps he/she knows you as the person who's lazy, copies assignments, whatever reasons. If he knew you were super-smart and hard-working, he would refer you on the spot. (Assuming he's been working there for at least 4-6 months to know the people in there).

my 2cents...

YC
Yah, I have a lot of friends who fit that bill and are always asking people for hookups. Noone wants to hook them up because they are just not good workers and would seriously damage the reputation of the person helping them out.

It wasn't until I started my own company that I started helping out my friends. At least I know what to expect out of them. And I can shape and mold them into better workers without worrying about them screwing up and getting my ass fired. Obviously all the smart and hard working friends never need any help finding a job. They can find them on their own!
Jr. Member
Nov 15, 2004
171 posts
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Toronto
[quote="canabiz"]Has anyone run into a situation where you applied for a job (could be more than 1 position) and you told your friend who also has similar credentials (and similar situations i.e. struggling to find meaningful employment) to go for it as well and next thing you know, your friend got an offer and you were left hanging ? It could be something from the written exam, it could be something from the interview, either way you were left waiting for the next train while your friend has packed his bags and hopped aboard.

How would you deal with these types of situations ? I know there is a delicate balance that one must maintain...you wanna look out for your friends cuz networking is a 2-way street but you also wanna look after yourself first and foremost. You don't wanna be in a situation where you keep asking yourself: What if, what if...QUOTE]

I was in this exact situation a few years ago. I was, and still am, happy for him that he got the job.

It definitely is a competitive situation but you shouldn't look at it as a me-against-him scenario simply because you don't know what he said or did during the interview process to get the offer; you can only focus on what you said or did. Ask for feedback from the interviewer to see what areas you stood out in but also which areas you need to work on so that you can win the offer the next time around.
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Aug 13, 2002
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I've been in this situation before. We both got interviewed (along with a few other people). She ended up with the offer, me nothing. I bugged her about it for awhile, just for the fun of it, but otherwise no big deal. I just went and found myself a better job, lol.

And I would agree on the thing about recommending people who are good. No one wants to recommend someone who can't do the job, and would just make you look bad.
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Dec 8, 2002
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Nyte wrote:I've been in this situation before. We both got interviewed (along with a few other people). She ended up with the offer, me nothing. I bugged her about it for awhile, just for the fun of it, but otherwise no big deal. I just went and found myself a better job, lol.

And I would agree on the thing about recommending people who are good. No one wants to recommend someone who can't do the job, and would just make you look bad.
Yah, you SHOULD be looking out for your buddies.

Chances are if they got hired over you, you probably would not have gotten the job anyways (unless you are the only two candidates). So it's better that at least one of you got in. Then eventually, your friend may be able to repay the favor and get you in with them.

You gotta look out for your friends. You won't survive long being a lone wolf in this world.
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Sep 30, 2003
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well, truth is you likely won't have gotten it either way so can't fault the friend for being successful. Now if it were *just* you two and the friend won, you could feel bad (but then don't say boo if you know it's just you and him/her).

there are lots of jobs out there. a lost job shouldn't come between good friends.
--
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yell0w_c0w wrote:I believe the friends who hesitate to hook you in are simply trying to save themselves their reputations. See, what would happen if you referred a potentially "bad" candidate, and he got hired? Your reputation certainly takes a hit because you've wasted some project's/budget's money and time. You prolly want to refer someone who u know is GOOD.

Perhaps instead of just dumping the contact... You should change the image of you to him ... and it's harder with a warm contact (ie a friend) because he/she known you for a while now. Perhaps he/she knows you as the person who's lazy, copies assignments, whatever reasons. If he knew you were super-smart and hard-working, he would refer you on the spot. (Assuming he's been working there for at least 4-6 months to know the people in there).

my 2cents...

YC

What if you flip the coins and think about those *friends* who don't want to hook up their buddies simply because they feel insecure and feel like they may be overshadowed and whatnot ?

Being super-smart and hard-working and landing a good job may not always be in correlation. A lot of people are smart and all but they may not be the greatest communicators in the world and they maynot be able to *sell themselves* well in an interview, so to speak. We also don't know how the other friends got their jobs in the first place, maybe through connections, maybe they were simply at the right place and at the right time.
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Dec 8, 2002
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canabiz wrote:What if you flip the coins and think about those *friends* who don't want to hook up their buddies simply because they feel insecure and feel like they may be overshadowed and whatnot ?

Being super-smart and hard-working and landing a good job may not always be in correlation. A lot of people are smart and all but they may not be the greatest communicators in the world and they maynot be able to *sell themselves* well in an interview, so to speak. We also don't know how the other friends got their jobs in the first place, maybe through connections, maybe they were simply at the right place and at the right time.
Dunno, all of the people i would trust to do a good job seem to already have good jobs. And I would not hesitate for a second to get them to work with me, or even above me. Since work is a team effort, anything you do to improve the environment is favorable. That sounds naive, but if that isn't the case, you should be looking for a different workplace.

The only people I know who need hookups are the kind of people that I wouldn't trust myself to do a good job. The qualified people who are just leaving a job usually never have an issue with finding a new one. Either on their own, or someone else is always eager to have them join their team. But it's those ones that you just can't trust to get things done who seem to have all the trouble. And you know exactly what the reason for that is...
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Dec 1, 2005
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You told him to go for it, so either you thought your skills were superior, or for some reason thought he wouldn't interview well. If he's your friend, congratulate him, and maybe he'll help you find a job. Be a pro about it. A job is just a job... it's not worth burning relationships because he beat you out for a job. Tell him he owes you a dinner, and go out and celebrate... then get on with the job search.

As to your other question, people are hesitant to refer their friends to their company because they don't think that they would be a good fit, either skills wise, personality wise, salary expectations, etc. Don't be offended. People (hopefully) value the company they work for, and want the best for the company. It's not the same school of thought of previous generations where a company is a cash cow, and everyone can come to drink without consequence.

Good luck in you job search.

james
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Jul 12, 2001
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couple years ago, back in University...
a friend told me about a job opening, we both applied and I got it (basic CSR job). This friend wasn't really the brightest kid out there so I wasn't looking to risk my reputation by referring him to my managers. However, when another opening arose, I told him exactly what questions they asked in the interview and exactly what they looked for in the resume. He scored an interview and eventually got the job.

there's no lesson to my story but I just thought I'd share :D
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