Parenting & Family

going to try and start a family in a few months, what advice can you give me?

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  • Mar 29th, 2018 11:42 pm
[OP]
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May 23, 2017
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going to try and start a family in a few months, what advice can you give me?

So my wife and I have decided that in a few months it would be a good time to start a family. All jokes aside (don't do it ect) can you please share any advice or things that we should know before being blessed with a family of our own?

We are going to the doctor to get a preconception checkup and have carrier screening done on both of us. What else do we need to know? I know there are thousands of things and it will be hard to tackle all of the issues, but just throw some at me!

Thanks guys!
74 replies
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Aug 2, 2004
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East Gwillimbury
Don’t think abut it too much , it will put stress on the relationship.

Just do it, unless you have medical issues, it will happen. Once she’s pregnant, then start preparations. Prenatal classes etc.

The fun is in trying to conceive, don’t make it a chore.
[OP]
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May 23, 2017
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Gee wrote: Don’t think abut it too much , it will put stress on the relationship.

Just do it, unless you have medical issues, it will happen. Once she’s pregnant, then start preparations. Prenatal classes etc.

The fun is in trying to conceive, don’t make it a chore.
thanks, we plan on having a bit of fun with it. its more your second sentence that I am trying to get a handle on, what else other than prenatal classes?
Member
Nov 21, 2016
434 posts
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Toronto
Will have to start off in prenatal vitamins few months before.
Deal Addict
Nov 13, 2013
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Ottawa
Yeah start vitamins now. Don't stress it might take months and months even without a problem.
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Dec 28, 2010
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I agree with the others: enjoy it as much as you can.

Maybe you like to look into financial products for your children (RESP)?
Do you need to change insurance or sign up for one?
Do you need a bigger car in a year and do funds need to be safed?
Do you need to register for daycare because of waiting lists?
You want to take a look into cloth diapers?

Maybe find a parents forum and read up what young parents are facing and see what their concerns are. It might be too early but it's good to know all this before hand I found. I found that planning time off from our children with my spouse was important, the basis of any family are parents.,Beside being a parent you are also yourself and the love between the two of you is just as important.

Myself, I was a bit naive at the time and took things as they came. Looking at my children I can't complain, they turned out all right, responsible and I don't think my hair wouldn't have turned less greya as it has. Also, I think that this RFD parenting forum is pretty good. There are always people out there in the same situation as you.

Good luck, enjoy, take a lot of pictures, time flies twice as fast when you have children, sorry, three times.... :)
Do you want to meet the love of your life? Look in the mirror. | Byron Katie
[OP]
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May 23, 2017
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sacthegreat666 wrote: Will have to start off in prenatal vitamins few months before.
fogetmylogin wrote: Yeah start vitamins now. Don't stress it might take months and months even without a problem.
VESTEGAARD wrote: I agree with the others: enjoy it as much as you can.

Maybe you like to look into financial products for your children (RESP)?
Do you need to change insurance or sign up for one?
Do you need a bigger car in a year and do funds need to be safed?
Do you need to register for daycare because of waiting lists?
You want to take a look into cloth diapers?

Maybe find a parents forum and read up what young parents are facing and see what their concerns are. It might be too early but it's good to know all this before hand I found. I found that planning time off from our children with my spouse was important, the basis of any family are parents.,Beside being a parent you are also yourself and the love between the two of you is just as important.

Myself, I was a bit naive at the time and took things as they came. Looking at my children I can't complain, they turned out all right, responsible and I don't think my hair wouldn't have turned less greya as it has. Also, I think that this RFD parenting forum is pretty good. There are always people out there in the same situation as you.

Good luck, enjoy, take a lot of pictures, time flies twice as fast when you have children, sorry, three times.... :)
Thanks guys, these are the things I am looking for, I had no idea about prenatal vitamins. Also I will look into all the things that VESTEGAARD listed. This is why I come to this forum first before anything, because I know no matter what situation, someone on here has been through it and can help me out!
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May 12, 2014
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Montreal
How many kids will you want? The preparations for one won't be the same as for 10.

Start preparing the kids room now. Your pregnant wife will not appreciate the smell of fresh paint.

Did you know that some pregnant women experience wild mood swings in the first weeks of pregnancy? Especially their first. Be prepared.
[OP]
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FrancisBacon wrote: How many kids will you want? The preparations for one won't be the same as for 10.

Start preparing the kids room now. Your pregnant wife will not appreciate the smell of fresh paint.

Did you know that some pregnant women experience wild mood swings in the first weeks of pregnancy? Especially their first. Be prepared.
we would like 2, but just start with one lol. Don't worry about the mood swings, I am married to a woman and am fully aware of mood swings.....
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Mar 23, 2008
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riseagainstthemachine wrote: we would like 2, but just start with one lol. Don't worry about the mood swings, I am married to a woman and am fully aware of mood swings.....
Bahahahaha!!!

Grasshopper, you have NO idea about mood swings yet...

C
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May 12, 2014
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riseagainstthemachine wrote: Don't worry about the mood swings, I am married to a woman and am fully aware of mood swings.....
No, these will be different from what you've experienced before. Also, the nesting instinct will kick in. Just be patient and understanding and know that they get much better after the first trimester. Just in time for other pregnancy symptoms to kick in. :-)


Oh, and if you're in Quebec, get your name on the daycare waiting list as soon as you get a positive pregnancy test. Do no wait until the child is born,
Newbie
Nov 25, 2016
81 posts
30 upvotes
CNeufeld wrote: Bahahahaha!!!

Grasshopper, you have NO idea about mood swings yet...

C
To add to this - with my first pregnancy, I didn't get mood swings. For my second, I let my guard down since I thought I'd done this before. But I more than made up for it with my second.

Never underestimate mood swings.

I got so angry at everyone I thought I'd lose all my friends (not withstanding the fact that I no longer wanted friends anymore because I felt like people just made me angry). Simultaneously, I would cry every dinner because it was my last Christmas dinner with just my first child.. my last boxing day dinner with just my first... it was my last ___ dinner with just my first everyday for 2 weeks straight.

Sometimes you know you're off the rails crazy, but you can't control it.

Let her know she's okay/fine/normal regardless. Because then she might get crazy upset over the fact that she's lost all control over her body, physically and mentally (which, mind you, is exacerbated by morning sickness, food aversions, exhaustion, constipation, you name it). The body is not the body she's gotten to know the last 1-4 decades.

Maybe you'll be lucky and there will be no mood swings. But not being prepared for it is way worse than being over prepared.

To answer your other questions, other than prenatals (and some more comments below), everything else you would probably benefit more by researching after getting pregnant, as many others have said. Thinking about baby planning this and that adds a lot of pressure/stress and that is no good for fertility. You have plenty of time to research once pregnant.. there will be months where you feel like you should be doing something but there's just nothing left to do (or too early to start).

Some things to consider - since it takes a few weeks to know whether you're truly pregnant or not, good things to avoid just in case:
- fish with high mercury content (e.g. tuna)
- raw fish or meat (includes rare / medium rare / etc. steak)
- alcohol
- smoking / 2nd hand smoke
- drugs
- talk to doctor about prescription drugs you're on and talk to doctor that youre trying to get pregnant before taking any new prescription drugs
- x-rays
- colouring your hair (I'm not sure if this is proven, I just know a lot of people avoid it. You'd need to look into this).
- deli meat
- saunas
- watch caffeine intake (there's a safe amount during pregnancy; I don't drink coffee so I have no clue what it is)

That's all I can think of off the top of my head.
[OP]
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May 23, 2017
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Mikaelali wrote: To add to this - with my first pregnancy, I didn't get mood swings. For my second, I let my guard down since I thought I'd done this before. But I more than made up for it with my second.

Never underestimate mood swings.

I got so angry at everyone I thought I'd lose all my friends (not withstanding the fact that I no longer wanted friends anymore because I felt like people just made me angry). Simultaneously, I would cry every dinner because it was my last Christmas dinner with just my first child.. my last boxing day dinner with just my first... it was my last ___ dinner with just my first everyday for 2 weeks straight.

Sometimes you know you're off the rails crazy, but you can't control it.

Let her know she's okay/fine/normal regardless. Because then she might get crazy upset over the fact that she's lost all control over her body, physically and mentally (which, mind you, is exacerbated by morning sickness, food aversions, exhaustion, constipation, you name it). The body is not the body she's gotten to know the last 1-4 decades.

Maybe you'll be lucky and there will be no mood swings. But not being prepared for it is way worse than being over prepared.

To answer your other questions, other than prenatals (and some more comments below), everything else you would probably benefit more by researching after getting pregnant, as many others have said. Thinking about baby planning this and that adds a lot of pressure/stress and that is no good for fertility. You have plenty of time to research once pregnant.. there will be months where you feel like you should be doing something but there's just nothing left to do (or too early to start).

Some things to consider - since it takes a few weeks to know whether you're truly pregnant or not, good things to avoid just in case:
- fish with high mercury content (e.g. tuna)
- raw fish or meat (includes rare / medium rare / etc. steak)
- alcohol
- smoking / 2nd hand smoke
- drugs
- talk to doctor about prescription drugs you're on and talk to doctor that youre trying to get pregnant before taking any new prescription drugs
- x-rays
- colouring your hair (I'm not sure if this is proven, I just know a lot of people avoid it. You'd need to look into this).
- deli meat
- saunas
- watch caffeine intake (there's a safe amount during pregnancy; I don't drink coffee so I have no clue what it is)

That's all I can think of off the top of my head.
Thanks for the explanation of everything. I guess I have no clue what I am getting myself into haha. It's ok though, we know this is the right time for both of us in our lives and we know that it will change our lives, but we are ready for it. We both can't wait.
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If you have the money and the time, go on a nice couple trip. Future trips will be more family oriented so if you are into trips that a kid won't enjoy and you've always wanted to do, now may be the time or you'll have to wait until 1 or both or your kids are teens.
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[OP]
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sherman51 wrote: If you have the money and the time, go on a nice couple trip. Future trips will be more family oriented so if you are into trips that a kid won't enjoy and you've always wanted to do, now may be the time or you'll have to wait until 1 or both or your kids are teens.
Good point, We are planning a Europe trip coming up before we start trying, so we don't have to wait 18 years to get there lol
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You can research the hell out of everything, but the second you bring that baby home from the hospital, you are going to feel lost and helpless. It's natural. A lot of what you need to know, you won't learn until the time comes. Parenting truly is a learning experience and a lot of it needs to happen as you go.

Vitamins are good and so is a proper diet and exercise, but there's not much else to prepare for. Yeah, get a baby room ready if you don't have one that will do, but the baby should be sleeping in your room for the first couple months anyway, so there's no big rush to do that. Besides, not everyone creates a true nursery, many people just use a spare bedroom.

An RESP can't be setup until after the baby is born.

We didn't go to prenatal classes. We both thought they were a waste of time. We did get a midwife, which I highly, highly recommend. OHIP covers it so you don't have to pay. You do need to book one early though as there's not enough.
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You don’t need to buy everything right away. Depending on when your baby is born, you can hold off on a few things. Both our kids were born later on in the year and in hindsight, we didn’t need to get a stroller immediately. Since it was cold, the only place we went was to the doctor’s appointment and the car seat was sufficient.

We knew what stroller we wanted and could’ve just waited until Boxing Day for a deal.

Same could be said about the crib, I think they recommend the baby sleep in the same room as you for the first 6 months. We had a bassinet which worked well for 4-6 months.

Start doing your research now on what things cost so you know when you see a deal. Amazon prime for diapers, if you’re a member, you get 20% diapers if you use their subscribe and save. Plus they delivery, nothing is worse than have to lug boxes of diapers from Walmart when you’re dead tired.

Good luck and enjoy!
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Gee wrote: Don’t think abut it too much , it will put stress on the relationship.

Just do it, unless you have medical issues, it will happen. Once she’s pregnant, then start preparations. Prenatal classes etc.

The fun is in trying to conceive, don’t make it a chore.
+100 This.

The only prep we did was she took prenatal pills.

Just enjoy the ride. (no pun intended).
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Other than stop using condoms, I'd say go hard, go deep and dont pressurize yourself. Sometimes it happens immediately, sometimes it takes a few months.
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