Having a child as spare parts for another child?

thriftshopper wrote: ↑ Macabre subject but I wonder if anyone would consider it. I've read about it but only came to know of an actual incidence (or at least one with full intention to) by someone I know.

Background. Neighbour is older (~70 or older) and has children in their late 40s. Came to meet a young adult child (we thought late 20s or early 30s) which seems out of place so we asked the scoop from another neighbour (all lived in the neighbourhood since they were in their very early 20s). The eldest child of this neighbour developed childhood leukemia - something which as a death sentence in the '70s but around 10-15 years later had become a very curable disease - in the child's early teens. One of the treatments back then was bone marrow transplant so the father had a reverse vasectomy so they could have another child to supply bone marrow (guess their other child was incompatible). Leukemia treatment was successful without the bone marrow transplant but as the neighbour says, the reverse vasectomy was forgotten about so....

Bone marrow donation is not something like a kidney transplant but still.....

I had to read this twice …

So they PLANNED to as you say … a spare parts child

But didn’t need to … cuz teen with Leukemia was treated in the meantime & cured

Then an oops happened (cuz there had been a vasectomy reversal ) …

So bottom line the younger kid is not / never was a spare parts kid
(BTW … such a distasteful phrase )

He was just the late life pregnancy … something that happens to a fair number of women actually after 40 … more than you actually hear / know about … cuz now unlike the 1950s … women have options in regards to carrying an unexpected child that could present a health issue to themselves or the child (so many problems for baby & mother increase as the mothers age increases )

My take

YOU LIKE TO GOSSIP … as does your neighbour’s

This truly is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

Families make all sorts of decisions in life based on the cards they are dealt.

Who the heck are we / you to judge those choices ?

PointsHubby wrote: ↑ I had to read this twice …

So they PLANNED to as you say … a spare parts child

But didn’t need to … cuz teen with Leukemia was treated in the meantime & cured

Then an oops happened (cuz there had been a vasectomy reversal ) …

So bottom line the younger kid is not / never was a spare parts kid

He was just the late life pregnancy … something that happens to a fair number of women actually after 40 … more than you actually hear / know about … cuz now unlike the 1950s … women have options in regards to carrying an unexpected child that could present a health issue to themselves or the child (so many problems for baby & mother increase as the mothers age increases )

My take

YOU LIKE TO GOSSIP … as does your neighbour’s

This truly is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

Families make all sorts of decisions in life based on the cards they are dealt.

Who the heck are we / you to judge those choices ?

Just wanted to know the story. The couple were apparently done with children. The reverse vasectomy was intentional to create a bone marrow source, which fortunately was not necessary.

The spare child gets to live in a very nice house with a great view of the Olympic mountains (the house her mother grew up in, supplied by her mother).

thriftshopper wrote: ↑ Just wanted to know the story. The couple were apparently done with children.
The reverse vasectomy was for bone marrow source, which fortunately was not needed.

Like i said nosy neighbour … none of your dang business what goes on in THEIR SEX LIFE

If they didn’t volunteer this info to you … then it’s none of yours to discuss

PointsHubby wrote: ↑ Like i said nosy neighbour … none of your dang business what goes on in THEIR SEX LIFE

Information was probably volunteered to the neighbours.

thriftshopper wrote: ↑ The spare child

Really going out of your way to label things according to you own vision.

Even if I disagreed with the family (and I'm in no position to judge) I would disagree more with your labeling.

Be kind to the kid and stop it please.

Unplanned children are pretty common everywhere in the world

thriftshopper wrote: ↑ Just wanted to know the story. The couple were apparently done with children. The reverse vasectomy was intentional to create a bone marrow source, which fortunately was not necessary.

The spare child gets to live in a very nice house with a great view of the Olympic mountains (the house her mother grew up in, supplied by her mother).

If you want to know the story, then you can ask the neighbor directly. If you are uncomfortable doing that, then you are being a gossip. This really is none of your business.

The face that you call the last child a 'spare' child is very disrespectful to the child. On a side note, I know 3 families that had a sibling donate bone marrow to another sibling for leukemia. There is a 1 in 4 chance of a match. Not one of these kids that saved their siblings was a 'spare child' they were considered a hero.

thriftshopper wrote: ↑ Information was probably volunteered to the neighbours.

Doesn't matter how the neighbor got the info, it wasn't provided to you. I am sure there is a lot of other context.

If you are not willing to have a conversation with the people that have the accurate answers, then there is a reason to mind your own business.

Macx2mommy wrote: ↑ If you want to know the story, then you can ask the neighbor directly. If you are uncomfortable doing that, then you are being a gossip. This really is none of your business.

The face that you call the last child a 'spare' child is very disrespectful to the child. On a side note, I know 3 families that had a sibling donate bone marrow to another sibling for leukemia. There is a 1 in 4 chance of a match. Not one of these kids that saved their siblings was a 'spare child' they were considered a hero.

Doesn't matter how the neighbor got the info, it wasn't provided to you. I am sure there is a lot of other context.

If you are not willing to have a conversation with the people that have the accurate answers, then there is a reason to mind your own business.

Amen

I couldn’t agree more

I also know of an adult hero in my own family … (not a child) who in his 50s donated bone marrow to save a sibling.

Ironic thing is … he was the first baby (teen pregnancy) … and she was the last (the late life baby). By definition they are both oops babies * of the 1950s & 1960s … BEFORE birth control was easy to get access to … even for married women!

Different times … different norms

So there’s a long spread in their ages just by circumstance … but they are extremely close cuz of the gift of life they share … I think even more so now since their parents have passed

We are just GRATEFUL they are both still with us. He in his late 60s, and she in her 40s.

As I said … life deals the cards … it’s what you do with them that matters. No one should judge anyone

* AND my labels here … just for clarity, are to set the scene of the society and how it was 60+ years ago. No one would be so disrespectful as to ever mention that he was a teenage pregnancy or she a late life one. Parents were happily married til death they did part. And like many families of the time had a bunch of kids … just so happened these two were the bookends.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Savior_sibling

Oh yeah, I remember that case in the news as if it was yesterday.

Henry Strongin Goldberg was born in 1995, doctors told his parents Laurie Strongin and Allen Goldberg that he might never reach kindergarten. Henry suffered from Fanconi Anemia, a rare genetic disease with no cure.


Henry's best hope for survival was a bone marrow transplant from a close genetic match. His parents put their hope in a process called pre-implantation genetic diagnosis, which would allow them to choose and implant embryos without Fanconi anemia that would be a match for Henry. Laurie Strongin underwent in-vitro fertilization nine times without success.


Henry needed the transplant before the sibling could be born, and the procedure was performed at the Minneapolis hospital with marrow from an unrelated donor. However, the child of another family that worked with Hughes did receive a transplant of marrow from a sibling conceived for that purpose.


Some ethicists and antiabortion figures denounced the process attempted in Henry's case, saying it amounted to "harvesting" children. Others, including Henry's parents, argued forcefully for its potential to save lives and alleviate pain.


Henry's case was featured in the New York Times, on ABC's "Nightline" and on a family Web site. A "Nightline" producer described Henry as "an energetic, funny, scrappy, resilient little boy."

https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/ ... 905be0064/

motomondo wrote: ↑ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Savior_sibling

Oh yeah, I remember that case in the news as if it was yesterday.



https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/ ... 905be0064/

Thanks for the recorded instance. I've seen news in Canada of that being done.

I will ask the neighbour and her daughter indirectly/discreetly next time I see them (we're pretty much still self-isolating and we're not in the social circle/bubble). I'd still say the mere act of vasectomy reversal is pretty much evidence for creating a saviour child (until this fact is known). The fact this child was not ultimately required for the purpose (thanks to other forms of cancer treatment) but was conceived unintentionally nonetheless is besides the fact. The person who told me worked in the health field (not in the scientific end) but has picked up enough knowledge to know what goes on without getting into the nitty gritty of treatment. Fortunately the child who didn't need the marrow after all was successfully cured and is pushing if not is past the 50h birthday.

I think there was a novel/movie with this story line a few years ago wasn’t there?

.

random pattern wrote: ↑ I think there was a novel/movie with this story line a few years ago wasn’t there?

Maybe you are thinking of this one?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Island_(2005_film)

motomondo wrote: ↑ Maybe you are thinking of this one?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Island_(2005_film)

Good suggestion. Forgot about that one, but it wasn’t the one I was thinking of. It was about young sisters…. Sound familiar at all?

motomondo wrote: ↑ Maybe you are thinking of this one?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Island_(2005_film)

Just searched. It was “My Sister’s Keeper” I was thinking of. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Sister ... er_(novel)

thriftshopper wrote: ↑ Thanks for the recorded instance. I've seen news in Canada of that being done.

I will ask the neighbour and her daughter indirectly/discreetly next time I see them (we're pretty much still self-isolating and we're not in the social circle/bubble). I'd still say the mere act of vasectomy reversal is pretty much evidence for creating a saviour child (until this fact is known).

The fact this child was not ultimately required for the purpose (thanks to other forms of cancer treatment) but was conceived unintentionally nonetheless is besides the fact. The person who told me worked in the health field (not in the scientific end) but has picked up enough knowledge to know what goes on without getting into the nitty gritty of treatment. Fortunately the child who didn't need the marrow after all was successfully cured and is pushing if not is past the 50h birthday.

Still a distasteful idea

This is NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS

And the healthcare individual could lose their job for gossiping !

Fine bunch you hang out with.

And using the term “saviour child” … is rude too

Still scratching my head and wondering WHY this is anyone’s business other than the immediate family members

As Trudeau Sr said … what goes on in the bedroom between consenting adults is not anyone else’s Biz
Not even the Governments

FACT … you are living up to being no more than a nosy gossip
And quickly loosing status in the RFDers I look upon as interesting, wise, compassionate souls

thriftshopper wrote: ↑ I will ask the neighbour and her daughter indirectly/discreetly

Why? What could be gained?

To the OP: I don't know what you are trying to get at. Vasectomy reversal happen a lot. Why? Because things happen in life that cause someone to change their mind about no longer wanting any more kids. And it's none of your business! Whether planned or unplanned, as long as a child is taken care of and loved is what really matters. Thank goodness for advances in medicine that make it possible to cure leukemia with a bone marrow transplant.

My sister's keeper? Lol