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how do you deal with self righteous relatives -very argumentative

[OP]
Newbie
Jun 9, 2020
11 posts
3 upvotes

how do you deal with self righteous relatives -very argumentative

How do you deal with extremely argumentative family relatives.

got a family member who spilling lecturing me on their so called motivational talk about to work harder, and go up in company and i should go make more money and more money. when i told her that it isnt always aboout working hard but knowing the right people, social intetelligence, charisma, mental power, having the drive and being on your grind helps a lot too . Its a combo of a lot of things.

She argues and thinks its all about working hard and thats it. MInd your she aint successful at all. Told her im listening social influencer on youtube who have social proof and recceipts to prove it. She argues that it wont work for you since everyone is different. blah blah

i then tell her story aboout micheal jordan bulls how he wouldnt be able to do it all along. he had a lot help
She then says i dont care about other people.

seems like she likes arguing and when she runs out of gas then says i dont care.

This is just an example but there are multiple cases and stories i can tell you. She just loves to argue and be self righteous attitude. When you give back you comments she shuts it down and says ok conversation is over. She a big instigator for arguments .

any suggesions? is this a form of gas lighting
56 replies
Jr. Member
Jan 8, 2010
160 posts
88 upvotes
monchichipower wrote: How do you deal with extremely argumentative family relatives.

got a family member who spilling lecturing me on their so called motivational talk about to work harder, and go up in company and i should go make more money and more money. when i told her that it isnt always aboout working hard but knowing the right people, social intetelligence, charisma, mental power, having the drive and being on your grind helps a lot too . Its a combo of a lot of things.

She argues and thinks its all about working hard and thats it. MInd your she aint successful at all. Told her im listening social influencer on youtube who have social proof and recceipts to prove it. She argues that it wont work for you since everyone is different. blah blah

i then tell her story aboout micheal jordan bulls how he wouldnt be able to do it all along. he had a lot help
She then says i dont care about other people.

seems like she likes arguing and when she runs out of gas then says i dont care.

This is just an example but there are multiple cases and stories i can tell you. She just loves to argue and be self righteous attitude. When you give back you comments she shuts it down and says ok conversation is over. She a big instigator for arguments .

any suggesions? is this a form of gas lighting
I stopped dealing with shit like this after high school. How old are you? Life is too short to be dealing with such pettiness. Say hi and bye to your relatives at family events, but otherwise, why are you wasting your time and energy on such trivial matters? Who cares what your relatives think.
Deal Addict
Jan 1, 2017
1147 posts
982 upvotes
I agree with Brown Thug, just don’t bring up this subject or keep it limited to hi, bye and the weather lol
Member
Jun 14, 2018
355 posts
376 upvotes
Get it through your head that no matter how right you think you are, you won't be able to change her views. What you can change is how you deal with it.

Just nod and agree, then move on. If you feel you have to continue to challenge her on these useless things, then you're no better than she is.
Sr. Member
May 24, 2007
501 posts
166 upvotes
I am willing to bet $5 this relative is OP's mother in law.
Deal Fanatic
Sep 16, 2004
9278 posts
1709 upvotes
Toronto
What's good for the Goose is not necessarily good for the Gander.
Paul's luck is different from Peter's etc.
Some people are better at brown nosing than others etc.
Deal Addict
Feb 16, 2013
1253 posts
1114 upvotes
Toronto
When my blood pressure starts rising listening to crap like that I just hang up the phone.
My mom asks me why I never visit, I tell her I'm busy.
But in reality I just don't want to be shit on.
....
[OP]
Newbie
Jun 9, 2020
11 posts
3 upvotes
cowbunpants wrote: When my blood pressure starts rising listening to crap like that I just hang up the phone.
My mom asks me why I never visit, I tell her I'm busy.
But in reality I just don't want to be shit on.
dude i can so related omg. its unfortunate as we dont get to pick our parents. my mom has these disneyland stories she believes if you take this so called program in college it will land you 6 figs automatically regardless. is life really rainbow and roses.
i know myself
Deal Addict
Aug 16, 2008
1027 posts
384 upvotes
Markham
sounds like the relative is trying to establish herself as a figure of respect/authority. Most likely, others around her have also figured this out and they let her say her 2c to keep her mug at bay.
Inferiority complex on display and all. Most boomers lived in a generation where typing 60 wpm and being able to operate a printer would get them 60k a year (unadjusted for inflation) , and dont want to acknowledge that times have changed, to prevent undermining their achievements. If your goal is to keep her quiet, just nod and agree, and shift topics.
Member
User avatar
May 10, 2008
405 posts
330 upvotes
Vancouver, BC
Assuming you are not talking about your own mother....does this relative have kids? The ones around me stopped lecturing me about finding a man and having babies after their own kids grew up and ended up as unwed mothers, married to losers, or just failures in life. When I see them, I usually just smile and nod, and say I'm too busy with work if I have to get that far in the conversation. Be polite and be patient. If you wait long enough, they will stop talking....or die off. Good luck!
Banned
Apr 26, 2020
26 posts
30 upvotes
most relatives are a waste of time.

it's strange really, as you would think relatives = blood = stick together... but from hearing from others, and my own experience, relatives have always been a waste of time. It's like the have a 1 up complex... like a really bad friend that always wants to 1 up you....

too old, dont care.
Deal Fanatic
User avatar
Dec 3, 2009
5701 posts
1033 upvotes
Toronto
Nothing says "ok boomer" more than getting career advice that's outdated by decades. What's after "working harder?" be the first one in and last one out?

"Maybe if you upgrade your computer skills you can make more"

Perhaps they should clip ads out of the newspaper for you.
Remember to be an RFD-er and NOT a degenerate.
Deal Addict
Jul 13, 2009
4187 posts
2273 upvotes
Unless it's someone who leads by example, not worth listening to.

I also get tired of those who idolize billionaires, tech startup CEOs, and most of them will say, they didn't work 'hard', they just happened to create the right thing at the right time with the right people.

Start listening to people who actually care about you and can give constructive feedback.

I didn't get too much from relatives because the bar was set low when i chose HR as my career path lol. HR isn't something much in Asian families, HR and male...

Make your own path, make your own success.

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