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I am so lost

  • Last Updated:
  • Oct 8th, 2019 3:23 pm
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Banned
Jan 15, 2019
66 posts
49 upvotes

I am so lost

Really, this is more of a much needed vent.

I was doing really well in my career. I changed cities years ago to advance myself. I make over $120k. I have a great job and I love what I do.

Being so far away from family and my friends has taken a huge mental toll on me.

I've been looking to move back within my same company, but for every 20 positions open where I am today, only 1 opens in my hometown.

I've been left to look outside, and I have had 0 luck. Most careers paying $90k+ are technical positions (Healthcare, Accounting, Project Managers etc). I have working experience with it all, but dedicated experience to none of it.

It's taking a huge toll on me.

You live and you learn
50 replies
Deal Expert
Aug 22, 2011
41802 posts
30056 upvotes
Center of Universe
Why aren't you get the first dibs on that 1 position that opens in your hometown?
Deal Addict
User avatar
Dec 24, 2007
1811 posts
2410 upvotes
BC
Money isn't everything...it might buy you stuff but can't buy happiness.

Friends and family matter the most, especially in your later stages of life. Lose them now and you might not see them again.
Sr. Member
Dec 11, 2011
524 posts
837 upvotes
CALEDON
Have you given up on the city you currently live in? If not, I would highly encourage you to consider giving it another shot since what only seems to be missing is the social side. That is easily solutionable if you are willing to put a little effort.

Why don't you use your hobbies to meet people? To give you an example, I am extremely passionate about health & fitness and cars. As a result, regardless of where I go, there are things to do where you can meet new people and make new friends.

Particpate in a sport? Introduce your self, grab food / drinks afterwards.
Go to a local car meet? Introduce yourself, grab food / drinks afterwards.

Maybe meet a girl in the process?

All of a sudden, 6 months into it, you have a ton of new friends, maybe a gf and are struggling to manage your time!

Don't give up buddy!! Just follow your passions! Everything else will come together naturally.
Deal Addict
Oct 18, 2014
2050 posts
925 upvotes
HK
Not sure what your personal situation is (dependents, bread-winner etc...) but for many 80k is good, and anything after that is just gravy.

One thing I will tell you is that later in life, you will never have regrets regarding working harder or making more $. Being close to friends and family is important.
Deal Fanatic
Feb 4, 2010
7156 posts
7137 upvotes
. OP money is only important if you make it important in your life and like it supersede your family. Take some time to really think things through...material possessions might make things more convenient but esoterically are rather meaningless.
Banned
Nov 21, 2009
2465 posts
1043 upvotes
WetCoastGuy wrote: Money isn't everything...it might buy you stuff but can't buy happiness.

Friends and family matter the most, especially in your later stages of life. Lose them now and you might not see them again.
Please don't use this quote... its pretty simple...

Freedom is happiness... and buying freedom, is happiness.
Deal Expert
Aug 22, 2011
41802 posts
30056 upvotes
Center of Universe
flash67 wrote: Please don't use this quote... its pretty simple...

Freedom is happiness... and buying freedom, is happiness.
Amen to that.
Deal Expert
Oct 7, 2010
15536 posts
5790 upvotes
OP doesn't understand that money can buy friendship and family. Unless he is hiding it all away and all he does is stay home after work.

What's the point of taking a job elsewhere and not enjoy the adventure. So weird.
Banned
Jan 15, 2019
66 posts
49 upvotes
vkizzle wrote: Why aren't you get the first dibs on that 1 position that opens in your hometown?
Very few of those would be a lateral or upwards move. Most would be a step back.
spike1128 wrote: OP doesn't understand that money can buy friendship and family. Unless he is hiding it all away and all he does is stay home after work.

What's the point of taking a job elsewhere and not enjoy the adventure. So weird.
Op doesn’t Understand that? Lol

For full transparency, I took this role as an intangible benefit of growing professionally.

I also own a home that I rent out. We are saving to buy a 2nd property to live in once we do move. Down payments are expensive (And so are homes). My wedding is also seeming to be very expensive.

So to clear the confusion:
-i took this job as a development opportunity. I've grown significantly over the last couple years as a professional
-i have some big future expenses. I don't go into debt, so would rather sacrifice now to benefit later

Plus, you can meet friends. Not as easy to meet new parents and family.
Deal Addict
Dec 15, 2009
1352 posts
503 upvotes
Ontario
It took 15 years for me to find an equivalent position in my hometown.

Look at the bright side - by leaving you are more marketable for a similar position in your hometown at similar pay.

Keep looking for the jobs and have patience
Deal Fanatic
Sep 16, 2004
9779 posts
2050 upvotes
Toronto
Sometimes you got's to face the fact that your hometown sucks.
At least with the high wages you have you can use the money to move your family away from that hometown if there is consensus.
If not, remember that you can't please everyone, so you got's to please yourself.
You can always make new friends and sure you were born into your family, but now you are at your stage of independence.
You now have to form your own family if you so choose to and well, every member of your family including yourself has their own life to live and to branch out some day if they wish.
Due to different purposes in life, different desires and aspirations etc.
Banned
User avatar
Jul 17, 2008
11042 posts
3878 upvotes
I can 100% relate to OP. I'm in a similar stage myself. Except work stopped being what it appeared to be 5 years ago..., and I want to start a family with the woman I love which is far away...
Deal Addict
Mar 22, 2010
4133 posts
2172 upvotes
It's been... too long 19 years and 3 month counting since I've been away from my hometown and my parents. I hear you OP. Although I am married and have a family here in Toronto, I would be lying if I completely moved on with my own family. When I call my parents back home and the thought that I can't be there with them when they needed their son, just tears me apart.

But what can you do? Life is trade off. You can't have everything. Sounds like you are starting a new family too. I wish you best of luck. You just have to try your best to manage your new family because your partner depend on you for that. Don't be afraid to let your feelings out to your partner.
Deal Guru
User avatar
Nov 6, 2010
10018 posts
1967 upvotes
Montreal, QC
I think it really depends on the situation. I know people who moved away for work and planned to come back and never did and I know people who didn't plan to come back that did.

If you're not willing to take a paycut to move back home, then keep looking; perhaps look at a different company if there are some back in your hometown. I would also talk to your partner because it might have been difficult to move out of your hometown alone, but it might be even more difficult to move back to your hometown with a partner and a family.
Deal Fanatic
Feb 4, 2010
7156 posts
7137 upvotes
flash67 wrote: Please don't use this quote... its pretty simple...

Freedom is happiness... and buying freedom, is happiness.
According to YOU that may be true but for many that is not the case. The reason so many people (particularly in Canada/US) are unhappy is because of this mentality. True happiness (joy) comes from within (aka the mind) - and no this isn't some cheesy/warm-fuzzy saying. You might find temporary "happiness" in external things but eventually you'll find something else to be unhappy about. Focussing on external and material positions will only you get so far....so yes money isn't everything.
spike1128 wrote: OP doesn't understand that money can buy friendship and family. Unless he is hiding it all away and all he does is stay home after work.

What's the point of taking a job elsewhere and not enjoy the adventure. So weird.
Wow if you really think that, I feel sorry for you. That's so sad.
Member
Dec 13, 2017
267 posts
204 upvotes
Project Mgr. is a technical position now? I though all they did was email and tell people to complete their work.

P.S i work in Project Mgmt.
Deal Expert
Aug 22, 2011
41802 posts
30056 upvotes
Center of Universe
DontCareyou wrote: Project Mgr. is a technical position now? I though all they did was email and tell people to complete their work.

P.S i work in Project Mgmt.
Yes, it's very technical or it should be a requirement, otherwise how can you confidently bid on a project?
P.S, I'm also a PM.
Deal Fanatic
Mar 21, 2010
6737 posts
3998 upvotes
Toronto
Do what makes you happy, but just remember that the grass isn't always greener, and don't look back with rose-tinted glasses. I've been in the same position, chose to move back and honestly that was a huge mistake. Now looking back, I realize that I only thought about the things I missed, not the things I didn't miss.

Of course if you miss family and friends then you'll remember the good times and think you can move back and it'll be just as good - maybe it will or it won't - but don't forget to balance that with the things you didn't like about living there and the reasons you moved away in the first place.
Deal Fanatic
Feb 4, 2010
7156 posts
7137 upvotes
vkizzle wrote: Yes, it's very technical or it should be a requirement, otherwise how can you confidently bid on a project?
P.S, I'm also a PM.
I would disagree and I would imagine PMI would too as project management skills are transferable can be used in any industry/sector, not just IT. Even in IT, PMs don't need to be technical (that's what SMEs are for) but they should be very familiar with the industry, jargon, etc. I do disagree with DontCareYou that PM is just about emailing and telling people what to do lol.

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