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Locked: It's My Turn - Resume Critique - Complete

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  • Jul 15th, 2009 1:56 pm
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[OP]
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It's My Turn - Resume Critique - Complete

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Feb 19, 2009
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- when you list your summary of qualifications, try to put them in the same sentence/grammatical structure (i.e. don't list some items that you are, and then some items that you are good at)

- i know you put relevant courses b/c that's what they have up in the uw cecs site, but it's useless. condense it, and don't list your courses - they have no idea exactly what kind of work you do in your courses - u'd be better off putting a description of the things you've learned in your business minor (even though we all know that econ 220 is useless, etc lol)

- you have too much work experience in your work history - it's best not to overwhelm potential employers with a list. pick the ones that show your best sales attributes the best and consider putting a small description of some characteristics/skills you displayed in that position which is related to the job ur applying for

- in counseling and development, try to stray away from individual things you did (like a list) and attempt to put in a "bigger picture" which kind of features a multitude of those skills

andrew2good4u wrote: Hey everyone, wanted to get some input for one of my current resumes.
Before giving the link, I'll give a few disclaimers:

- The resume is geared more towards a technical sales position (part-time, entry level or new grad)
- Ignore the formatting issues (lines, pages breaks, etc) since the formatting fits on 2 pages in my word document (the first page ends at "Work History")
- I took away my home and local contact info for personal reasons
- This is my first go, so have some patience with me plz

http://www.twidox.com/file-document/593 ... -july-2009

RIP AWAY!!! :o
Newbie
Apr 10, 2009
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Is too long, try to make it shorter. No one want to read through 3 pages of resume.
[OP]
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overboard wrote: - when you list your summary of qualifications, try to put them in the same sentence/grammatical structure (i.e. don't list some items that you are, and then some items that you are good at)

- i know you put relevant courses b/c that's what they have up in the uw cecs site, but it's useless. condense it, and don't list your courses - they have no idea exactly what kind of work you do in your courses - u'd be better off putting a description of the things you've learned in your business minor (even though we all know that econ 220 is useless, etc lol)

- you have too much work experience in your work history - it's best not to overwhelm potential employers with a list. pick the ones that show your best sales attributes the best and consider putting a small description of some characteristics/skills you displayed in that position which is related to the job ur applying for

- in counseling and development, try to stray away from individual things you did (like a list) and attempt to put in a "bigger picture" which kind of features a multitude of those skills
Thank you for the great advice. I'll implement those changes tomorrow after I get some more feedback
homer316 wrote: Is too long, try to make it shorter. No one want to read through 3 pages of resume.
I'm sorry but in my defense. The resume is 2 pages long. In reality, the 1st page has enough relevant information. If the person is more interested, they can learn more about me from the second page.
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2 advices

-move objectives to cover letter.
-keep it 1 page long if you are sending it to corporations. If someone with 10+ years of experience + multiple degrees and designations can do it, you can too.
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Takami wrote: 2 advices

-move objectives to cover letter.
-keep it 1 page long if you are sending it to corporations. If someone with 10+ years of experience + multiple degrees and designations can do it, you can too.
Thanks. I'll find a way to compress it onto an one-page super resume
[OP]
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Alright, so I've compressed it into one page.

Here are things I still need to do:

[QUOTE]- when you list your summary of qualifications, try to put them in the same sentence/grammatical structure (i.e. don't list some items that you are, and then some items that you are good at)

- i know you put relevant courses b/c that's what they have up in the uw cecs site, but it's useless. condense it, and don't list your courses - they have no idea exactly what kind of work you do in your courses - u'd be better off putting a description of the things you've learned in your business minor (even though we all know that econ 220 is useless, etc lol)

-move objectives to cover letter.[/QUOTE]

Anything else?
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Oct 3, 2006
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Link doesnt work anymore.
[OP]
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Aznsilvrboy wrote: Link doesnt work anymore.
Thx, I uploaded on Google Docs and created a public link. It is in the original post now.
Newbie
Apr 25, 2009
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Needs work...
A sales position in an innovative organization
OK. But when you apply to a job replace this with actual position title and company.

Or if you are including a coverletter then remove this altogether.

SUMMARY OF QUALIFICATIONS
* A results oriented sales professional that exceeded sales expectations with the aid of repeats and referrals
Vague BS. Be specific, if you exceeded sales expectations in a previous job mention it here.
* A
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May 1, 2009
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Andrew, in all seriousness I think the people here putting down your resume are being ironic and/or satirical. You've got a lot of experiences and have had a lot of leadership roles. Expand on these. Who cares if you resume takes two, three or even four pages (wouldn't go any higher than this)? It flows nicely and you have probably captured interest with your objective that is right to the point and has no jargon filled B.S. Your education is impressive and you are in a unique program, you have the technical background (compsci) with the savvy of a business expert due to your minor.

I would expand most on your McDonalds jobs. It says you are senior manager (or manager sorry can't remember). Either way that is a pretty big role of responsibility. Companies want people who are capable of and willing to take charge and your leadership abilities gained at McDonalds will crush the competition.

Consider making an entire page of your extra curricular activities as you have numerous amounts of them. Let them know about what you learned in your highly relevant coop position you attained through UWaterloo, which has a very renowned and respectable coop program. Take my advice kid and you'll be on bay street in your bimmer before you know it. Peace.
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Oct 14, 2008
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Looks great. Young kids like you these days are so bright. Keep it coming, I completely agree with the previous poster.
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Jan 9, 2004
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Your objective should be written in a way that tells you how you would contribute to the company in that role.

I would expand your work experience to detail what you did.
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Churo1 wrote: Andrew, in all seriousness I think the people here putting down your resume are being ironic and/or satirical. You've got a lot of experiences and have had a lot of leadership roles. Expand on these. Who cares if you resume takes two, three or even four pages (wouldn't go any higher than this)? It flows nicely and you have probably captured interest with your objective that is right to the point and has no jargon filled B.S.
Your inability to present yourself in a short and down to the point manner is a WEAKNESS not a strength.

I once had an Associate position interview with a budge bracket firm 5 years ago. The Director called in a senior into the room and he gave me 1 minute to convince him why I should have this job, I threw out some examples from my school and work experience into the air and he was not impressed. I needed to give out strong reasons in a small amount of time and I didn't do that. I didn't get the job in the end and this was a valuable lesson which I am passing out for free.

Remember, directors and managers have next to no time to review resume and they are unlikely to get through more than 1 page of anything. If you have a 4 page resume, it might be a strong indication that you are unable to convince someone given the restrictive time or report space available.

edit: OP seems to be applying to a very business related job, and that's why I gave him this advice. If OP was an academic or public worker applying to an academic or public position, then a long resume is fine. But if I am a boss and I want to send one of my workers to convince a large client to stay with us, and he/she only have 1 minute during an elevator ride to convince to our client, would I send a worker who managed to convince me to give him/her a job in a 1 page resume, or someone who needed a 4 page resume to bring out his/her points to get that job?
[OP]
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Takami wrote: Your inability to present yourself in a short and down to the point manner is a WEAKNESS not a strength.

I once had an Associate position interview with a budge bracket firm 5 years ago. The Director called in a senior into the room and he gave me 1 minute to convince him why I should have this job, I threw out some examples from my school and work experience into the air and he was not impressed. I needed to give out strong reasons in a small amount of time and I didn't do that. I didn't get the job in the end and this was a valuable lesson which I am passing out for free.

Remember, directors and managers have next to no time to review resume and they are unlikely to get through more than 1 page of anything. If you have a 4 page resume, it might be a strong indication that you are unable to convince someone given the restrictive time or report space available.

edit: OP seems to be applying to a very business related job, and that's why I gave him this advice. If OP was an academic or public worker applying to an academic or public position, then a long resume is fine. But if I am a boss and I want to send one of my workers to convince a large client to stay with us, and he/she only have 1 minute during an elevator ride to convince to our client, would I send a worker who managed to convince me to give him/her a job in a 1 page resume, or someone who needed a 4 page resume to bring out his/her points to get that job?
Very true. Point taken!

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