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I've got a friend who's active here and I think he needs help

[OP]
Newbie
Jan 30, 2015
6 posts
Trois-Rivières, QC

I've got a friend who's active here and I think he needs help

Hi guys,

One of my friends spends a lot of time here looking for coupons on useless electronics, tools and eggs. He is not poor, he makes 80,000$ ish per year. He spends his evenings and weekends searching for deals on this forum.

I am being serious here: when is it considered a sickness and how can I help him? I told him I was going to go see him last month and he refused, pretending he was tired. But I know that he was browsing this website.

Do you have any idea what I can do?
43 replies
Newbie
User avatar
Aug 27, 2020
20 posts
7 upvotes
Greater Toronto Area
How do you know it's a problem. If he is enjoying himself and saving money, why is it your problem?
Maybe pick up a phone or drop by his home and have a talk with him.
Member
Apr 8, 2020
275 posts
133 upvotes
Is he hoarding ?
Has a financial problems because of it ?
maybe the only problem is that he needs a better h"hobby"
Deal Addict
User avatar
Mar 7, 2007
3824 posts
1445 upvotes
Everybody likes to shop. Consumerism !! Shop till you spend all your money !!

But I don't think it is a problem unless it becomes the main activity in the life of a person. Or that a person is literally spending all his/her money on useless junk.
Deal Fanatic
Jul 13, 2012
6980 posts
958 upvotes
Ottawa
razor00000 wrote: Hi guys,

One of my friends spends a lot of time here looking for coupons on useless electronics, tools and eggs.
[..]

Admit it! You're just upset that RFD is pushing down the market value on eggs!

Deal Guru
User avatar
Mar 14, 2005
13209 posts
2220 upvotes
City of Vancouver
My advice is to keep on persevering to meet up face-to-face. If they give an excuse, then ask them what day is good for them. Once u meet up with them in person, let them know that u r worried about them.

People may find shopping for deals to be an addicting habit. It fills a void inside of them. However, that feeling doesn't last. So, they continue to search again and to buy again. The point when something crosses the line into addiction is when it interferes with daily living. If someone would rather shop, or do whatever, instead of meeting up with friends, it is a problem.

It is important for people to listen to their gut feelings. It can be easy to rationalize something away and conclude u were over-reacting. But, that is how we overlook things. That is how we become apathetic.
De gustibus non est disputandum
Reverse dysfunction one step at a time.
Deal Guru
User avatar
Mar 9, 2007
13607 posts
8561 upvotes
Think of the Childre…
hey you talking about me? I shop for deals all day everyday!
razor00000 wrote: Hi guys,

One of my friends spends a lot of time here looking for coupons on useless electronics, tools and eggs. He is not poor, he makes 80,000$ ish per year. He spends his evenings and weekends searching for deals on this forum.

I am being serious here: when is it considered a sickness and how can I help him? I told him I was going to go see him last month and he refused, pretending he was tired. But I know that he was browsing this website.

Do you have any idea what I can do?

WOULD SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!
[OP]
Newbie
Jan 30, 2015
6 posts
Trois-Rivières, QC
Becks wrote: My advice is to keep on persevering to meet up face-to-face. If they give an excuse, then ask them what day is good for them. Once u meet up with them in person, let them know that u r worried about them.

People may find shopping for deals to be an addicting habit. It fills a void inside of them. However, that feeling doesn't last. So, they continue to search again and to buy again. The point when something crosses the line into addiction is when it interferes with daily living. If someone would rather shop, or do whatever, instead of meeting up with friends, it is a problem.

It is important for people to listen to their gut feelings. It can be easy to rationalize something away and conclude u were over-reacting. But, that is how we overlook things. That is how we become apathetic.
THIS! Alright, that's exactly what I feel that he is doing.

He tells me about the things he buys "from" here. He just bought a new router for example, and he is quite proud of it. How useless is a high-end router for home use! He keeps shopping for deals, on things he doesn't need. I went at the grocery store with him once and he had his binder full of coupons. Unfortunately, masks weren't mandatory, but I wish they were. I was very shy.

He eats lots of 0.33$ noodles.

I am very satisfied with your answer, Becks!
Deal Addict
User avatar
Feb 3, 2005
4092 posts
465 upvotes
Georgetown
Am I correct that You (OP) is a girl, and the friend is a guy?
[OP]
Newbie
Jan 30, 2015
6 posts
Trois-Rivières, QC
Tiberius wrote: Am I correct that You (OP) is a girl, and the friend is a guy?
We are both guys. But I could include his girlfriend, she feels about the same that I do.

If we try to speak to him about it, he laughs, and says we are dumb because we pay full price on things we (REALLY) need.
Deal Guru
User avatar
Mar 14, 2005
13209 posts
2220 upvotes
City of Vancouver
Something to think about:

"Egosyntonic" and "egosyntonic"..

In psychoanalysis, egosyntonic refers to the behaviors, values, and feelings that are in harmony with or acceptable to the needs and goals of the ego, or consistent with one's ideal self-image. Egodystonic (or ego alien) is the opposite, referring to thoughts and behaviors (dreams, compulsions, desires, etc.) that are in conflict, or dissonant, with the needs and goals of the ego, or, further, in conflict with a person's ideal self-image...

Abnormal psychology has studied egosyntonic and egodystonic concepts in some detail. Many personality disorders are egosyntonic, which makes their treatment difficult as the patients may not perceive anything wrong and view their perceptions and behavior as reasonable and appropriate. For example, a person with narcissistic personality disorder has an excessively positive self-regard and rejects suggestions that challenge this viewpoint. This corresponds to the general concept in psychiatry of poor insight. Anorexia nervosa, a difficult-to-treat (formerly considered an Axis I disorder before the release of the DSM 5) characterized by a distorted body image and fear of gaining weight, is also considered egosyntonic because many of its sufferers deny that they have a problem.[3] Problem gambling, however, is only sometimes seen as egosyntonic, depending partly on the reactions of the individual involved and whether they know that their gambling is problematic.

An illustration of the differences between an egodystonic and egosyntonic mental disorder is in comparing obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. OCD is considered to be egodystonic as the thoughts and compulsions experienced or expressed are not consistent with the individual's self-perception, meaning the patient realizes the obsessions are unreasonable and are often distressed by their obsessions. In contrast, obsessive-compulsive personality disorder is egosyntonic, as the patient generally perceives their obsession with orderliness, perfectionism, and control, as reasonable and even desirable...
De gustibus non est disputandum
Reverse dysfunction one step at a time.
Deal Guru
User avatar
Mar 14, 2005
13209 posts
2220 upvotes
City of Vancouver
Another thing I want to bring up, when it comes to situations where u want to help someone, is The Serenity Prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference.


Basically, u can be 100% right on your argument or viewpoint. But, if someone doesn't want to change, or if they deny every point u make, there is nothing u can do about it. So, save your energy and put it into things you CAN change.
De gustibus non est disputandum
Reverse dysfunction one step at a time.
Deal Guru
User avatar
Mar 14, 2005
13209 posts
2220 upvotes
City of Vancouver
Another piece of advice I'd like to give Is to "manage your expectations". This applies to everyone's daily life, and it should help with frustrations when things are not going the way u want them to.

What we have here with the OP's friend is someone who denies there is a problem. They have indicated there is no reason to change. After all, there "is no problem". If someone doesn't see there is a problem, why would they change? So, if someone chooses to value saving money or buying electronics over spending time connecting with u, why would u want to have someone like that in your life? Wouldn't it be more fulfilling to be around people who r interested in you, your life, what's happening with u? You only have a limited time on earth. It goes by super fast the older u get. Put ur energy into fostering fulfilling relationships.
De gustibus non est disputandum
Reverse dysfunction one step at a time.
Sr. Member
User avatar
Jul 1, 2016
871 posts
447 upvotes
Toronto
razor00000 wrote: THIS! Alright, that's exactly what I feel that he is doing.
I’ve been down that rabbit hole before… it’s not pretty. On some days, it felt as challenging (if not more) to when I was digging myself out of depression… but there’s a hole that needs to be filled and who doesn’t want $0.5 crayons from Amazon with free shipping!!??!?!?! >_> *deep breath*

Glad he has such a caring friend though… don’t give up, keep trying to get through to him. Just keep in mind… stuff like this takes effort from both parties. The unfortunate reality is that, until he sees and admits it’s a problem AND wants to help himself… the best thing you can do is be persistent without being overwhelming (you might drive him away).
razor00000 wrote: He tells me about the things he buys "from" here. He just bought a new router for example, and he is quite proud of it. How useless is a high-end router for home use! He keeps shopping for deals, on things he doesn't need.
Depends on your definition of a high-end router; anything sub $150 I consider to be a worth while investment (3-5 years) - and is one of the things actually worth “future proofing” for expandability and reliability. - but I went off-topic…
razor00000 wrote: I went at the grocery store with him once and he had his binder full of coupons. Unfortunately, masks weren't mandatory, but I wish they were. I was very shy.
O_o are there coupons worth clipping in Canada, ON? Those are like… once in a blue moon kind of things? Or is he obsessed with saving $1 on yogurt and 50 cents on butter?
razor00000 wrote: He eats lots of 0.33$ noodles.
Yeah, that’s definitely not healthy… unless it’s $0.33 per portion and he’s adding healthier ingredients to it like veggies, tofu and lean meats… but I’m guessing that’s not what he’s doing. You have to take care of your self… no one else can do that for you (as I’ve learned the hard way).
Becks wrote: What we have here with the OP's friend is someone who denies there is a problem. They have indicated there is no reason to change. After all, there "is no problem". If someone doesn't see there is a problem, why would they change? So, if someone chooses to value saving money or buying electronics over spending time connecting with u, why would u want to have someone like that in your life? Wouldn't it be more fulfilling to be around people who r interested in you, your life, what's happening with u? You only have a limited time on earth. It goes by super fast the older u get. Put ur energy into fostering fulfilling relationships.
Reminds me of that one friend... had a 150k+ salary... complains he has zero free time He did EVERYTHING himself - including rennovations -wouldn't even consider lawn care services & grocery delivery services. *shrugs*
His exact words "Why the hell would I pay someone to mow my lawn or buy my groceries? that's the stupidest thing I've heard."
To be fair, he came from a very challenging background and grew up with very limited means... so I get it. But the thing about life is... you've got to learn to adapt and be flexible. Easy in theory; challenging in practice.

I think "fulfilling relationships" depends on the person... if OP think it's worth helping a friend... who are you to interfere to say it's not fulfilling? Though there's alot of context and preference involved... but I digress.
Pixelation~
Deal Expert
User avatar
Jan 7, 2007
20683 posts
4825 upvotes
Poormond Hill
razor00000 wrote: Hi guys,

One of my friends spends a lot of time here looking for coupons on useless electronics, tools and eggs. He is not poor, he makes 80,000$ ish per year. He spends his evenings and weekends searching for deals on this forum.

I am being serious here: when is it considered a sickness and how can I help him? I told him I was going to go see him last month and he refused, pretending he was tired. But I know that he was browsing this website.

Do you have any idea what I can do?
His money. He worked for it. Let him enjoy it.
A life spent making mistakes is not only more memorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.

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