Need Advice - Hate being a Dad
I am a bit lost at this point and i'm hoping I would get some advice.
A bit of background about me. I am a new Dad and have a healthy 20 month old daughter. My Wife and I have been together for 10 years and we married 4 years ago. Prior to having a kid our relationship was amazing. We had lots of fun together and went on many trips. We also rarely argued and even if we did, we would always resolve our disagreements.
I've always been the type of guy that valued my personal time and also valued travelling. As such, I've never been fond of having a kid. My wife on the other hand have always wanted to have a kid and it's something she always mentioned to me. I knew that if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, I needed to compromise. So I decided to just go for it - big mistake I know. My thought at the time was, maybe I will enjoy it or will "learn" to enjoy it.
Now fast forward 20 months later, our relationship has completely tanked. My wife "loves" spending all the time with the kid and rarely puts any thought into our relationship. I've tried adapting to my "dad" role and really tried to "enjoy" being a parent and doing parent related activities (e.g. reading books, taking my kid to the park etc.). However, I absolutely HATE it.....I hate every second of it. I honestly feel like i'm just acting out a script and doing things because this is what society and everyone tells me I should do as a parent. Now I love my daughter, don't get me wrong. Everytime I see my daughter and she wants to hug me, I do feel happy. However, I still hate what my life has become and overall just hate being a parent. Almost everyday I am looking forward to the time she goes to sleep so I can have some time to just be "myself" again.
At this point, I'm not sure what I can do. I'm not sure if its just a phase i'm going through or if this is just who I am as a person. Now I know what most of you are going to say "too bad" and that I made the conscious choice to have a kid and I need to take responsibility. While I agree 100% this does nothing for my mental health. Can I act and pretend to be happy for the next 18 years and fulfill my parental responsibilities? absolutely....however, I think my mental health is going to suffer and I will be absolutely miserable probably resenting my wife that I gave in and agreed to have a kid....