Health & Wellness

Parent in beginning stages of Dementia

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  • Aug 25th, 2016 8:58 pm
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Deal Expert
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Aug 2, 2010
15196 posts
5016 upvotes
Here 'n There

Parent in beginning stages of Dementia

Sadly, my mother is in the beginning stages of dementia. She lives alone and has left the house twice in the last 24 hours to go to a neighbour and claim many things about her children being out to get her, etc. The police told us if it happens a 3rd time she will be taken to a hospital, assessed, possibly put in a psychiatric ward and then in possibly forced in to a nursing home. We want to avoid this and the only way is to have in-home 24-hour care to prevent her from wandering again or her or to put her in a retirement home where she can be monitored and prevented from leaving. She will be totally against either option but it is in her own best interest.

Any advice about how others dealt with this issue would be helpful. Also, any advice on how to either find a 24-hour in-home care person or a good retirement home (or how to even pick one) somewhere between downtown and the 401 along the Dufferin to Bayview corrider would be helpful too. We are not limited by budget (at least for now). We are getting her a non-removable bracelet that indicates who to call if she is found wandering.

I have contacted Community Care Access Centre and the Community Navigation and Access Program (CNAP) and am trying to educate myself about how to go forward.
6 replies
Deal Guru
Mar 14, 2005
13811 posts
2516 upvotes
My mom is an octogenarian with dementia. I think you should put your mom in a facility where they commonly deal with wanderers and have locks on doors or in certain wings of the building. My stress levels are through the roof as a caregiver, so I naturally envy anyone who can get their parent into the proper facility.
Deal Addict
Aug 17, 2008
4128 posts
946 upvotes
Sask.
So sorry to hear this.
If she hasn't yet, get her doctor to refer her to a specialist(s) - in dementia, geriatrics, etc. - whatever is called for. There are so many therapies which can be very helpful.
The doctor can also help you with ideas for the best living situation for her.

There are also lots of other resources, especially where you are - some to start

http://www.dementiatoronto.org/index.htm

http://www.camh.ca/en/hospital/care_pro ... tient.aspx
Deal Fanatic
Sep 16, 2004
9779 posts
2050 upvotes
Toronto
Sorry to hear about your predicament.

No experience with it but my Dad is in early stages of memory loss and my Mom treats him like a child etc.

I would say most importantly, is to treat your Mom with respect and dignity despite the fact she may not be able to fully take part in the decision making process.

I think facilities that exists already like Becks says, would be best equipped in keeping your Mom safe.

A most important thing is not neglecting your own well being whether it be emotionally, physically or spiritually as you deal with this trial.

Best of luck in whatever you choose to do.
Deal Expert
User avatar
Aug 2, 2010
15196 posts
5016 upvotes
Here 'n There
Thanks for all of the advice so far. I arranged for a caregiver to show up yesterday and to be with her every day from now on from 9am-9pm (and us kids would rotate sleeping over every night) but she went absolutely bezerk about the caregiver and said she didn't need a 'warden' to be with her and would rather kill herself. She has agreed not to call the cops again if something doesn't seem right in her home and to call me or my siblings instead (we'll see how that works). She wasn't really 'wandering' but trying to seek help because she forgot the phones were not working properly (we are getting the phone lines fixed forthwith) and got scared with no communication. She knows she'll be taken to the hospital for psychiatric examination if she leaves the house again and calls the police and that we siblings will have no say in the matter. I ended up making a deal with her that she will go to the doctor for a check up this week and to wear something around her neck that would allow her to call for help if she fell or any other reason and to alert people to who she was and she agreed. I am going to have the doctor refer her to a geriatric psychiatrist (but not tell my Mom that as she will resist going) as apparently and correct me if I am wrong but I have to have them fill out a form that allows me to invoke the powers of attorney I have for health and finances if I need to. Apparently they can also prescribe medicine to reduce paranoia, etc.

We would rather keep her in her home as she loves it and her garden so much and is not a very social person. She's never even lived in an apartment. If it gets worse (and of course it will) she will be given the choice to have a 'nanny' type caregiver live with her or go to a retirement home. Then the next step after that would be a nursing home.

She is lucid and ok 99% of the time but it obviously is small incidents now that can set her off.
Member
Jan 15, 2010
207 posts
55 upvotes
Mississauga
Sorry to hear about this.
I had a similar situation; in the early stages of our mother's dementia, we did many of the same things as you.
However, we couldn't sustain spending nights with her over the longer term and I found this outfit: http://seniorsforseniors.ca/ to provide care/support, 24/7 if needed. Like the name says, they employ seniors and some will even live in, which is what we had. It took about 3 or 4 tries before we found someone compatible and our mom was happy to be in her own home.
At the office, the employee assistance program provided much info and resources on this and related topics.
In the end, we had to move her to a long term care facility as she needed specialized care.
Hope things work out for the best.
Newbie
Aug 13, 2016
90 posts
24 upvotes
Sorry to hear about that eonibm. Depending on how her health improves or deteriorates, I think you will know your choices. So preparation is thus key for whichever step you believe is the right choice to make at that point. My experience is to treat them with love, and I have no doubt that is how you approach her so she is blessed therein.
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