Parenting & Family

Is parenting going to suck forever?

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  • Aug 3rd, 2023 11:13 pm
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Sr. Member
Apr 14, 2015
580 posts
175 upvotes
Tsuu T'Ina, AB
Not everyone loves babies. Most parents have favourite stages and if newborns aren’t yours, I think that’s not surprising. Newborns are hard work. Three months is more fun. Six months hopefully they are sleeping through the night, which will improve your life more than you think.

I have had four babies and every time, I can’t believe how much better life is when they get to be around three. My advice is to buy a lot of chocolate, binge watch whatever while you’re nursing or rocking the baby, and take a bunch of photos because in five years you will forget most of the awfulness and the memories will seem sweet in a way the actual experience never was.
Deal Fanatic
May 31, 2007
5018 posts
2175 upvotes
Have 4 years and 8 months. I forgot how hard the 0-3 months are, because of overnight feedings, colic baby, they are not good at eating, etc.

Wife had PPD first time and undiagnosed until over a year later. Not anyones fault- more support is important and needed from spouse and doctor.

It seems having baby is so hard on the body, especially mental state. And to make it worse, you can't recover and sleep. And you still have to tend to the baby like 24/7. Baby's cry instinctively makes you constantly stressed/worried.

Wife couldn't breast feed and that's fine. It was actually so much easier bottle fed. Less stress for her and family. Both kids able to sleep overnight just after 3 months because bottle can really put the weight on. (this is a HUGE relief IMO) In addition, for the first couple weeks, I took vacation days and did the night feedings. I did the same on my days off. It was so hard getting up 3-4 times night. But my wife slept with ear plugs overnight and recovered faster. She was then stronger during the day and I slept in. Win-win.

Like others said, the joys of watching your children grow are incredible and I did forget about many hard times we endured with our first. Trips to the hospital, daycare colds, fussy/ colic baby, trowing up, etc all getting fuzzy now and stronger memories of new experiences having true, loving and heartfelt meaning.
Jr. Member
Nov 24, 2017
152 posts
127 upvotes
vkizzle wrote: It doesn't get easier I'm afraid to say.
Children are a lifetime of responsibilities and is exhausting; but I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Not my experience. The first six weeks were pretty tough, but it got quite a bit easier after that. I look forward to picking up my 19 month old daughter from daycare every day, and getting her up in the morning. We've a second on the way, and I wish we could have more, but we're probably too old :(
Newbie
Jan 3, 2018
44 posts
17 upvotes
Your feeling is completely normal. I love all the tips that everyone has given you.

This book helped me feel like somewhat of a parent: The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems: Sleeping, Feeding, and Behavior--Beyond the Basics from Infancy Through Toddlerhood
Authors: Tracy Hogg,‎ Melinda Blau
I've given them as gifts to 2 friends and they loved it. Check out reviews on amazon first before buying. Even better, see if you can borrow it from your library.

Your baby is only 5 weeks old. You are still healing from childbirth so go easy on yourself and remember that you are doing your best. Let go of all plans or you are going to stress yourself out more.
I'm a mom to a 2 year old and a 1 year old. With my first born, breastfeeding didn't really start working properly until week 6. He was on formula by week 2 so I was only breastfeeding by 50% of the time until I stop at month 10. With my second child, I start supplementing with formula at week 12. Both children are healthy.

For me, things got easier once my first child could sit up on his own. It got even better when he started communicating. With my 1 year old (second child), she points at her cup when she wants water.

One more thing, if you will feel better going back to work early, do so. I went back to work when my first born was 3 months old and it really helped me. Working is a lot easier and it was nice to have my lunch hour all to myself. I picked a daycare that had cameras which gave me peace of mind. Please do not feel guilty. Some countries have shorter Mat leaves and the kids survive.
Do what works best for you and your child.
One more thing, try to stay positive. For example, listen to positive/funny/educational audiobooks or podcasts when you can. Those help me when I'm driving or doing boring chores like washing baby bottles, laundry etc. Check out your local library for some great audiobooks.
Sr. Member
Oct 2, 2017
850 posts
608 upvotes
He'll stop sucking your breasts

He'll stop trying to kill himself if you even look away for a second

He'll stop making you spoon feed him

He'll stop waking you up in the middle of the night

He'll stop making you change poopy daipers

He'll start using the bathroom by himself, and feed himself and doing things for himself and being independent and you'll probably start missing all that crap he did when he was a baby because he's getting older and now he's calling you a silly goose and saying things that make you feel really old
I'll see you at the top, cause the bottom is too crowded
Deal Addict
User avatar
Jul 25, 2008
1607 posts
1431 upvotes
Richmond Hill
I had some post partum issues too... I don’t know if it was depression or anxiety but I was definitely not feeling like myself. I still loved my boy to pieces and took pics everytime he did something cute. Breastfeeding was awful up until 3 months. After that it started feeling good and I looked forward to that time. I breastfed my boy up until 16 months. I did pump and had a lot of spare frozen milk in storage for the trips to the mall or for the growth spurt cluster feeding days and for the 1 feeding my hubby did at 7am so I could sleep from 3am to 9am for the first month. The first 3 months I had a painful pin and needle throbbing feeling most of the time after breastfeeding. It was so painful I couldn’t sleep. Then there was the clogged ducts which were annoying and frustrating, but I toughed it out.

My husband also took the first 3 weeks off work to help me out but after that, he worked long days gone from 8:30am to 9:30pm 4 days a week. I literally wanted to kill myself. Being alone all day with a baby was driving me insane and I felt the day was like some twilight loop.

Anyways, it got better as he started sleeping 8+ hrs straight by 9 months and he was a pretty easy going baby. Now he’s a bit over 2. I do miss the days where he was immobile but it is easier now in general and seeing how much he grows everyday always fascinates me.
Deal Guru
Feb 9, 2009
12381 posts
11307 upvotes
I find when they turn 18 months or so to start being the fun stage -- they are running around, they can be somewhat busy on their own while your in the room with them (colouring, playing with items, etc) and they are starting to learn to talk.

I found when my daughter was an infant, it was pretty boring and I wasn't into it as much as I wanted too (Im a Dad and realize my wife did most of the heavy lifting at that stage) -- now Im even more into it then my wife. I just love her smiles, her cute words, her zest for life -- for me this is where I really found the fun in being a parent. Of course we all love our babies when they are small and cute and cuddly but there isn't much to do either lol... just remember this stage will go and GO FAST... before you know it, your child will be walking, talking and being their own person -- and then you'll truly see the difference and feel the love...
Member
Aug 31, 2014
379 posts
200 upvotes
Toronto, ON
I'd caution on the baby whisperer or any of the books/ website/ Facebook Groups that "will solve all your problems". Every baby is different so if yours happen to follow whatever the books/website said to do, great. But don't let them drive you insane.

My boy doesn't sleep in his crib ever. We never can put him down "drowsy but awake" because he's already crankypants and wants to be held after a certain period of awake time. If you put him down he'll just go nuclear. When he was a newborn I couldn't keep him awake after feeding no matter what I tried. I was driving myself insane trying to figure out why I can't do any of these when the book says so, when so and so who recommended the book says her baby can.

And then I'm just starting to accept that my baby is different. He wants to be cuddled. I couldn't keep him awake after feeding, but now that he's older, he stays awake after feeding and actually rarely falls asleep by feeding.

Yeah... On some days I feel that it sucks big time. On other days it feels fine and happy. Take it one day at a time I suppose. For me it usually makes it go by easier if we go out once during the day. When it was warmer it could be walks, and now I try to go out to grab a quick lunch. Baby also gets to see something different whivh sometimes makes him less crankypants. It also gets more fun when they start smiling and laughing, so I try to see what I can do to make him laugh.

Oh and we also had breastfeeding issues... Didn't start to go smooth sailing I'd say until 3.5 months.
Moderator
May 28, 2012
12484 posts
5278 upvotes
Saskatoon
Exhaustion and lack of support are huge contributors to PPD. Societies that have lots of family and/or community support have a lot less of it. The important thing for a new mom is to recognize that you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. Everyone will be offering you advice, some of it good and some bad...do what's right for you and your family and don't feel pressured to do things a certain way.

All children are unique and some are more demanding than others. I always joked, if I had had the last one first, he would have been an only child! I look back fondly at those "growing up" years but I'm glad mine are adults and can do things for themselves.

There are lots of resources online and in the community, so if you are feeling overwhelmed, check them out.
Deal Fanatic
Jun 24, 2015
8524 posts
2941 upvotes
0 downvotes
Shaner wrote: I felt the same way when my little guy was very young. Considering I'm the father, I clearly didn't have PPD. We had a very high needs, difficult baby. Breastfeeding didn't work, bottles didn't go well, solids didn't go well, there was 7 weeks of colic, etc. It truly was a nightmare for the first year. I told numerous friends that I wondered if I was even cut out to be a parent. Then things changed. He developed more of a personality. He become more like a person and less like a helpless leach (if I can be blunt about it). The first year of his life all I wanted to do was go to work. Staying home made me miserable. Now, I can't wait to leave work and see him and spend time with him.

The stuff I'm saying sounds bad and a lot of parents could never understand what I describe, but it was my reality. I've realized that I didn't enjoy the infant stage at all and as a person, I wasn't cut out for it. As a result, I don't want a second child because I can't imagine going through the infant stage again. For me, it got 100 times better. Of course there are still challenges, and there are frustrations. Those will never go away, they will always be there, but I absolutely cherish spending time with my son now. Perhaps you're just one of those parents who isn't cut out for the infant stage. Or perhaps you're dealing with PPD. Or maybe it's combination of different factors. Either way, you should go speak with someone. What you're feeling isn't abnormal though
Well Spoken like a true Parent, A+ for you, Great Story, Glad it worked out in the end. I hope other people admire your dedication.
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Deal Expert
User avatar
May 8, 2009
15560 posts
14184 upvotes
Going to the Moon
Surprised that OP hasn't responded to her own post. Many have contributed great insight to a first time newborn parent, would be great to see what OP thinks now that the thread kick-started a while ago...
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Deal Guru
User avatar
Mar 31, 2008
13011 posts
3095 upvotes
Toronto
titaniumtux wrote: Surprised that OP hasn't responded to her own post. Many have contributed great insight to a first time newborn parent, would be great to see what OP thinks now that the thread kick-started a while ago...
OP probably posted at time of maximum frustration and may barely even remember posting (remember it like a dream). IMO, either things have gotten worse, so more isolated, exhausted or it has gotten more stabilized and comfortable so no need to even go back online and check. I have a hunch it's the latter.
Deal Guru
User avatar
Mar 31, 2008
13011 posts
3095 upvotes
Toronto
Shaner wrote: The stuff I'm saying sounds bad and a lot of parents could never understand what I describe, but it was my reality. I've realized that I didn't enjoy the infant stage at all and as a person, I wasn't cut out for it. As a result, I don't want a second child because I can't imagine going through the infant stage again. For me, it got 100 times better. Of course there are still challenges, and there are frustrations. Those will never go away, they will always be there, but I absolutely cherish spending time with my son now. Perhaps you're just one of those parents who isn't cut out for the infant stage. Or perhaps you're dealing with PPD. Or maybe it's combination of different factors. Either way, you should go speak with someone. What you're feeling isn't abnormal though
Being in more dense Toronto, and in the peer group all having kids, My wife is also the type to have many of those types of friendships with other moms, where she knows all the details of others experiences. I have heard many cases like this and believe me, it is far more common than you think. I dare say about 50% have similar type experiences. So don't feel any different or guilty at all. And believe me, alot of people put on that brave, best face and do not spill the beans or give the very "G" rated version of "Its rough but getting better". Another big thing, having marital adjustment issues or requiring 'the talk' regarding expectations/disappointments of each other is also 100% I would say but very few will actually say how bad it may have gotten.

My wife's sister is also not cut out for the infant stage whereas my wife is, yet they're very similar in personality with differences of course. So as with every person, each person is wired different (of course socializaton plays a big role, but it's still rooted in how one is genetically wired on how that socializaton impacted them).
Deal Addict
Nov 13, 2013
4526 posts
3687 upvotes
Ottawa
babystrollerlab wrote: After several years and two heartbreaking pregnancy losses, I am now the mother of a gorgeous 5-week-old boy. Unfortunately, I am finding myself becoming more and more miserable every day and I am starting to think that I've made a big mistake and that I am not cut out to be a parent at all. I think part of the problem is that breastfeeding has gone poorly from the very beginning, due to a number of different factors. He is about 50% breastfed right now, which is not the end of the world but not at all what I had planned on or hoped for. But even aside from our nursing struggles, I am finding that I just do not enjoy taking care of him and I'm not sure I really love him like I am supposed to. I spend all day alternating between boredom and frustration. Everyone said it would get so much better once he started to smile at me, but he started smiling for real this week and...it's cool and all, but it doesn't make me feel any better the other 98% of the time. To add insult to injury, my husband is adjusting marvelously, is totally in love, and always knows just what to do for the boy. I find that I am counting down the days until I go back to work and put my son in daycare. I really don't think I have postpartum depression--I have been depressed before, and this doesn't feel like that. I just think that I really have made a bad mistake and that I am too selfish and rigid to be a parent. What can I do to make this better? Will taking care of my son ever be less of a drag?
So did it get better?
Deal Addict
Jun 10, 2013
3914 posts
2529 upvotes
GrandTheftAutopolis
Yikes, reading the OP is classic Postpartum...Well, 6 years on...
fogetmylogin wrote: So did it get better?
I don't think she's coming back...
Deal Fanatic
Jun 13, 2010
8554 posts
11764 upvotes
GTA
theXshape wrote: It's weird that the same week she created this thread, she created this one : https://forums.redflagdeals.com/how-can ... #p28683789 ending her post with ''as I do not have kids of my own...''

Maybe an ALT ?
Good find. Looks like OP is just a troll making up stories. Says I have no kids then 4 days later has a 5 week old.
Deal Addict
Jun 10, 2013
3914 posts
2529 upvotes
GrandTheftAutopolis
tew wrote: Good find. Looks like OP is just a troll making up stories. Says I have no kids then 4 days later has a 5 week old.
We should ask them for that time machine for lost deals that everyone keeps talking about.

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