Parenting & Family

Pros and cons of being an older parent?

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  • Apr 11th, 2020 8:23 am
[OP]
Penalty Box
Apr 18, 2013
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Canada

Pros and cons of being an older parent?

What are the pros and cons of being an older parent, for example having your first child at age 40? I'll get started:

Pros: kids keep you younger, more financially stable

Cons: less energy, kids graduating high school when I'll be 60

Any other thoughts based on your experiences?
41 replies
Member
Jun 11, 2006
339 posts
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I'm over 40 and my kids are no where near being adults yet.  My biggest fear is that I will leave them (die) too soon , morbid as that may be.  I'm in decent shape but still mindful of how my body is declining as I age.  My friends had their first at 23, were done by 28/29 and now in their 40's are already facing an empty nest.

On the other hand. having had kids a bit older, we can probably afford alot more of the "extras" that come with raising a family.  Also, I feel like I've "lived" my life (travel and social wise what not), so I don't feel like I'm "missing" anything during these years of raising children.  Yes, I don't eat out and travel like I used to, but I'm ok with that, I've had my time to do that.
Penalty Box
Jun 24, 2015
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Woodbridge, ON
my biggest fear is when they get old and want to get married, i will probably be in a wheel chair. i really wanted kids when i was younger but i wasnt married so as a good catholic i wanted to get married first then have kids which i did
Hi
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Nov 1, 2001
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A lot of kids will not be financially independent until late 20s or early 30s. You will likely have to work beyond normal retirement years to help out.b
I think having kids in your 30s is ideal. 40s you may never retire.

My aunt is in her 70s. She's selling her home and purchasing one with her son because he can't afford one, and needs help with the kids
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Jun 24, 2015
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Cheapo-Findo wrote: No kids, no problems, spoil yourself / spouse.
if adam and eve didnt have kids and spoiled themself, you wouldn't be here today,
Hi
[OP]
Penalty Box
Apr 18, 2013
3088 posts
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Canada
ranjeet2000 wrote: A lot of kids will not be financially independent until late 20s or early 30s. You will likely have to work beyond normal retirement years to help out.b
I think having kids in your 30s is ideal. 40s you may never retire.

My aunt is in her 70s. She's selling her home and purchasing one with her son because he can't afford one, and needs help with the kids
Kids staying at home later doesn't mean you cannot retire. I'd see it as someone to look after the house while I'm living it up in Hawaii in the winter.
[OP]
Penalty Box
Apr 18, 2013
3088 posts
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Canada
stack1 wrote: I'm over 40 and my kids are no where near being adults yet.  My biggest fear is that I will leave them (die) too soon , morbid as that may be.  I'm in decent shape but still mindful of how my body is declining as I age.  My friends had their first at 23, were done by 28/29 and now in their 40's are already facing an empty nest.

On the other hand. having had kids a bit older, we can probably afford alot more of the "extras" that come with raising a family.  Also, I feel like I've "lived" my life (travel and social wise what not), so I don't feel like I'm "missing" anything during these years of raising children.  Yes, I don't eat out and travel like I used to, but I'm ok with that, I've had my time to do that.
I meant having your first child in your early 40s.
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Jun 11, 2006
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gbill2004 wrote: I meant having your first child in your early 40s.
Same worries I think as I mentioned before. However, I wouldn't let that prevent me from having children in my early 40s (though 40 was my personal cut off) if I really wanted to. Maybe it's not the ideal age to start having them, but not a reason to not have them at all!
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Nov 28, 2016
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stack1 wrote: I'm over 40 and my kids are no where near being adults yet.  My biggest fear is that I will leave them (die) too soon , morbid as that may be.  I'm in decent shape but still mindful of how my body is declining as I age.  My friends had their first at 23, were done by 28/29 and now in their 40's are already facing an empty nest.

On the other hand. having had kids a bit older, we can probably afford alot more of the "extras" that come with raising a family.  Also, I feel like I've "lived" my life (travel and social wise what not), so I don't feel like I'm "missing" anything during these years of raising children.  Yes, I don't eat out and travel like I used to, but I'm ok with that, I've had my time to do that.
Im in the boat now, youngest just turned 18 and will be done high school this year. Empty nest wont happen for a few years, have a kid starting school this fall locally. Oldest one just went to school last fall but in another city. I was done when I was 29. I have friends my same age with kids that are 4.

I would say 5 years we will be empty nesters, unless something happens

We get now the "must be nice" thing though, with friends that have kids younger that need babysitters, etc

Oh, you mean the must be nice we can just do whatever we want. It sure is, just like it was nice for you 2 decades ago when you could do it, and we couldnt

I myself could not imagine having a 4 year old at home right now, or the business of it all with activities, school,etc But then since Ive been through it, maybe I know I wouldnt want to do it again. I welcome the boredom.

Is there a proper age, who knows. Celebrities keep pumping them out (males) into their 70's, but they live in their own realm. Half of these kids wont even be 10 and their dads will be dead from old age

I liked having them younger since I was always active with them when they did things. I went to the park and played, not went to the park and sat on my phone while my kids played. I was in the ball pits with them having fun

Having money now would make it easier when you are older, but then you are in the not retiring early because you have kids at home to support.

We can afford trips now more because, well its just us now. Our plans dont revolve around kids schedules anymore, we leave and they stay home for the weekend, or the week
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Dec 11, 2003
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Cheapo-Findo wrote: No kids, no problems, spoil yourself / spouse.
GoodFellaz wrote: if adam and eve didnt have kids and spoiled themself, you wouldn't be here today,
Oh BURN!! lol..

I'm not catholic or christian but I went to a catholic elementary school so I had religion class as a subject. I remember just a bit of the lessons.
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GoodFellaz wrote: if adam and eve didnt have kids and spoiled themself, you wouldn't be here today,

WOULD SOMEBODY THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!
Sr. Member
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Jan 14, 2007
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GTA North
All points above are true especially the part about having more money, less energy etc.

Older parents might not live to see the 4th generation

My parents had me when my father was 25 (mother 4 years younger)
We had our first when we were 30
Our oldest is now 25, youngest 19, me 55.
If the pattern repeats and our kids start to have kids in the next 5 years my oldest will be 30, me 60 and father will be 85 and likely to see great grand children which would thrill them.
Being a grandparent in my 60's would allow me to still be actively involved with them and do things I know my kids enjoyed doing with their grandparents
Add 10 years to this scenario and although you will likely see your own grandchildren, will you be able to enjoy them (like get down on the ground and play)? 4th gen very unlikely to see

My inlaws are the same age as my parents. My BIL just turned 50, and he now has 23 year old and a 4 year old (2 marriage). Looking at my BIL makes me glad we had all ours when we were young! My inlaws certainly enjoy the 4 year old but can't take the activity like they were able to when our four kids and my nephew were young.
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Enjoy and make the most of the great times and happiness!
Having kids also gives an excuse to just take random days off from work :lol:
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Jan 4, 2007
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gbill2004 wrote: kids keep you younger
No, they age you. It's called a "dad bod" for a reason. You'll put on weight, be more stressed, etc...

But some pros: you'll have kids (that is the payback), that applies regardless of age but is the major plus over not having them. you'll be more financially stable, better able to manage issues the kids have, it'll be easier on your marriage,

Cons: you'll be way more tired and stressed than if you had they earlier. Harder to relate to other parents who are 10-15 years your junior. You'll likely work longer than planned. Even if you can retire earlier are you going to europe for a month and leaving a 17 year old boy in your house? (Either yours or your daughters boyfriend?????). Your tired a lot more and easier.

May not live to see grandkids, weddings, etc...

Both a pro and a con: Your current lifestyle will be turned upside down.

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