Parenting & Family

Question about having a kid (Monetary question, Quebec region)

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[OP]
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Nov 28, 2013
2539 posts
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Quebec

Question about having a kid (Monetary question, Quebec region)

Please note that english is not my first language.

I've been in a couple with my GF for 8 months today, and even though we both agree it's too early, we have been thinking about our future (we both want kids), but i'm personally really insecure about everything money wise. With prices going up i'm not sure if we can afford having a kid in the future. We do want kids but we both agree on something, we will not have kids unless we can be almost certain that we can offer the kid(s) basic needs (food clothes home and education) Of course we can't control emergencies but w/e

Here is our small situational info.

I have a house ( that i bought before meeting her) for about 169k
We both have a car
Both full time jobs ( i make around 43k/year and she makes around 27k

I have calculated in our budget, that we have about 1k-1.3k extra per month (after paying all the necessity, Mortgage, food electricity gas internet etc)

Am I being really crazy and too worried ? or if we want a kid in the future, we should plan new jobs now?

Thanks for interesting and serious discussion and opinion
6 replies
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Jun 7, 2013
371 posts
326 upvotes
GATINEAU
How old are you both? In my opinion, 8 months is early to start looking at having kids, but that's my personal opinion.
My girlfriend and I dated for a year, then we moved in together and enjoyed just being a couple, having our own fun together for four years, and then we had kids.
They're no longer babies now, both in school, and I feel we did it right.
You have to realize having a kid is the BIGGEST change in anyone's life.
You will not have free time to do all the fun things you like to do right now. You will be tired, sleepless, cranky, short tempered, and just when you have a second to relax and enjoy a hobby, the baby starts crying and you have to give it all up to go take care of them.
Not to mention, 8 months is early to be saying 'this relationship is for life' (again in my opinion). But this kid is gonna be for life. If something happens in your relationship because you didn't really truly know your partner and you end up breaking up, then you"re looking at child support payments for a long time, shared custody, and all that mess...
Hope I haven't scared you off yet...
Seriously though, having a kid is the most amazing thing, but don't rush into it. Take the time to enjoy your relationship together, put some money aside because yes having a kid is expensive. You'll want them to take swimming classes, gymnastics, soccer, piano, skiing, vacations, birthday parties, leaving much less to spend on yourselves (which is a sacrifice most parents are always willing to make). But it is a sacrifice. What suffers is spending on yourself: clothes, outings with friends, alcohol...
Good luck, I hope you guys think about all this seriously.
[OP]
Deal Addict
Nov 28, 2013
2539 posts
1046 upvotes
Quebec
TechJunk wrote: How old are you both? In my opinion, 8 months is early to start looking at having kids, but that's my personal opinion.
My girlfriend and I dated for a year, then we moved in together and enjoyed just being a couple, having our own fun together for four years, and then we had kids.
They're no longer babies now, both in school, and I feel we did it right.
You have to realize having a kid is the BIGGEST change in anyone's life.
You will not have free time to do all the fun things you like to do right now. You will be tired, sleepless, cranky, short tempered, and just when you have a second to relax and enjoy a hobby, the baby starts crying and you have to give it all up to go take care of them.
Not to mention, 8 months is early to be saying 'this relationship is for life' (again in my opinion). But this kid is gonna be for life. If something happens in your relationship because you didn't really truly know your partner and you end up breaking up, then you"re looking at child support payments for a long time, shared custody, and all that mess...
Hope I haven't scared you off yet...
Seriously though, having a kid is the most amazing thing, but don't rush into it. Take the time to enjoy your relationship together, put some money aside because yes having a kid is expensive. You'll want them to take swimming classes, gymnastics, soccer, piano, skiing, vacations, birthday parties, leaving much less to spend on yourselves (which is a sacrifice most parents are always willing to make). But it is a sacrifice. What suffers is spending on yourself: clothes, outings with friends, alcohol...
Good luck, I hope you guys think about all this seriously.

I think you missed the point, not sure if I didn't explain it correctly

To answer your question I'm 30 she's 29

We aren't ready for kids, if we get a kid it won't be for at least a year. But even if it's not in the plans yet, we still talk about it randomly for the future.

And since it's not our plan for now the goal of my question was, for WHEN we will be ready is our income correct to be able to offer a kid what they need to live. Or if our income is too low

Thanks
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Jun 7, 2013
371 posts
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GATINEAU
ratatapa wrote: I think you missed the point, not sure if I didn't explain it correctly

To answer your question I'm 30 she's 29

We aren't ready for kids, if we get a kid it won't be for at least a year. But even if it's not in the plans yet, we still talk about it randomly for the future.

And since it's not our plan for now the goal of my question was, for WHEN we will be ready is our income correct to be able to offer a kid what they need to live. Or if our income is too low

Thanks
Fair enough, I assumed you were much younger. Regardless, my advice still stands whatever your age is, it is something to think about.

Money wise, maybe somebody else can answer, because my situation is far removed from yours. We both make really good salaries and while it's not a struggle, kids are expensive.

Sure you'll be able to give them everything they need to live, basic necessities and all, but my personal opinion is you want to be able to give them more than just what they need obviously. Plenty of people make it on your kind of salary... Obviously the more you make, the more you have to spend, so ya, I think a general rule is if you can find a job that is just as stable, with a higher guaranteed income, and you enjoy it as much or more, then yes go for it.

With a family income under 150K, you do get reimbursements for daycare costs in Quebec, so that's a plus.

I've seen people on welfare with kids, and sure, they have everything they need to live. Just maybe not always enough for the extras.
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I can't speak of life in Quebec, as I'm in Toronto. However, outside of the amount of gov't benefits you'll be getting for having a kid, there're other things to think about.

1) I think 8 months of relationship is WAY too early to think about kids. For once, one or both of you may still be "honeymooning" (early period in relationship, when you're more emotional towards each other, and may not yet be aware of all the weird habits, skeletons in the closets, and your level of patience is still high to handle various situations, thus you're more willing to forgive your partner some of the personal mishaps). This will be replaced by routine and day-to-day problem solving, and only once you go through a crisis or two, you'll really see how well you can stick together. Keep in mind that once you have a kid, your level of satisfaction in the relationship will go down. There's a society-forced expectation that anything that's associated with the baby is supposed to be cute, cuddly, and happy. In reality, many couples fall apart/get divorced during the first couple of years after having a baby, because the amount of additional stress/lack of sleep/financial issues/and amount of crisis becomes overwhelming.

2) I think your income would be sufficient, at least at this moment. Once you've done setting up your baby's room for the first time (crib, change table, first stash of diapers and all other basics), which will set you back $500+, your expenses will be only about $200/mth for the first few year or so (diapers, clothes, baby formula if you choose to go that route etc). More important question is - who will be taking care of the baby? At least for the first few months, your GF will have to stay at home and quit working. If your GF decides to go on maternity leave for the first year or so, you can say bye-bye that $27k/yr she brings home. She may have some kind of benefits from work for parental care, which would make it easier. She may want to consider to find kind of job to work from home for that time.
After the first few months, you'll need to decide what to do with the baby, if your GF wants to go back to work. If you have any relatives that can take care of the baby - grandparents or whoever, that's another alternative. If not - you'll have to find daycare for the kid, in which case that's another expense. Here in Toronto it was about $1000/mth (and it was pretty average), but I think Quebec's government subsidizes daycare, which you better check in advance, hopefully before your GF gets pregnant.

3) Finally, think about what will happen if something in your relationship doesn't work out, and what will happen to the baby. That comes with consequences of shared custody, dividing property, and long-term liability of child support. Which is why I've stated earlier - make sure you live through enough stress together, to find out how well you can handle shared responsibilities when things no longer go smoothly for prolonged periods of time, and when neither of you are any longer the most important person in the relationship.

33yrs old, 12yrs in relationship, 4.5yr old kid.
[OP]
Deal Addict
Nov 28, 2013
2539 posts
1046 upvotes
Quebec
Negotiator wrote: I can't speak of life in Quebec, as I'm in Toronto. However, outside of the amount of gov't benefits you'll be getting for having a kid, there're other things to think about.

1) I think 8 months of relationship is WAY too early to think about kids. For once, one or both of you may still be "honeymooning" (early period in relationship, when you're more emotional towards each other, and may not yet be aware of all the weird habits, skeletons in the closets, and your level of patience is still high to handle various situations, thus you're more willing to forgive your partner some of the personal mishaps). This will be replaced by routine and day-to-day problem solving, and only once you go through a crisis or two, you'll really see how well you can stick together. Keep in mind that once you have a kid, your level of satisfaction in the relationship will go down. There's a society-forced expectation that anything that's associated with the baby is supposed to be cute, cuddly, and happy. In reality, many couples fall apart/get divorced during the first couple of years after having a baby, because the amount of additional stress/lack of sleep/financial issues/and amount of crisis becomes overwhelming.

2) I think your income would be sufficient, at least at this moment. Once you've done setting up your baby's room for the first time (crib, change table, first stash of diapers and all other basics), which will set you back $500+, your expenses will be only about $200/mth for the first few year or so (diapers, clothes, baby formula if you choose to go that route etc). More important question is - who will be taking care of the baby? At least for the first few months, your GF will have to stay at home and quit working. If your GF decides to go on maternity leave for the first year or so, you can say bye-bye that $27k/yr she brings home. She may have some kind of benefits from work for parental care, which would make it easier. She may want to consider to find kind of job to work from home for that time.
After the first few months, you'll need to decide what to do with the baby, if your GF wants to go back to work. If you have any relatives that can take care of the baby - grandparents or whoever, that's another alternative. If not - you'll have to find daycare for the kid, in which case that's another expense. Here in Toronto it was about $1000/mth (and it was pretty average), but I think Quebec's government subsidizes daycare, which you better check in advance, hopefully before your GF gets pregnant.

3) Finally, think about what will happen if something in your relationship doesn't work out, and what will happen to the baby. That comes with consequences of shared custody, dividing property, and long-term liability of child support. Which is why I've stated earlier - make sure you live through enough stress together, to find out how well you can handle shared responsibilities when things no longer go smoothly for prolonged periods of time, and when neither of you are any longer the most important person in the relationship.

33yrs old, 12yrs in relationship, 4.5yr old kid.

Except #3 you have good points. As for #3 this can happen at any time for any couple
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Jan 2, 2015
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I think what everyone is saying about if a couple separates when they have a child together it is 100x more complicated than if they didn't have a child together. Without a child, you split the assets and never have to see each other again. With a child, there is constant contact and you don't get to make decision that impact the child in major ways without discussion with your now ex (ei moving for a job in another place).

Back to your question, I think you are asking how much does one need income wise to support a child. The answer is it depends on your lifestyle and what you want, and how the the income is currently divided. People have kids based on all incomes. The biggest long term expense you have to budget for is child care or the lost of income for someone to stay home. Can you guys live off one income? Or how much is childcare, I heard in Quebec it is subsidized so it might not be too bad.

In terms of finding a new job, that depends on what you job is now. More money will never hurt, however, you will also have to take a look at the work environment. I took a 20% pay cut for a job that didn't require me to travel and was more flexible.

My advice right now would be to see if you could live off of one income, or at the least that plus the amount one would get while on mat leave. We banked on salary for a year. That was when we felt comfortable.

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