Parenting & Family

Questions for parents with teenagers

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  • Sep 7th, 2020 5:53 pm
[OP]
Newbie
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Jun 5, 2017
48 posts
21 upvotes
At the Circus

Questions for parents with teenagers

For those who have a son/daughter about 14/15 yr old would you find it acceptable that he/she leaves the house around 1-2am and comes back around 3-5am?

I never had children and none of my friends had children so I'm totally out of touch with what teenagers do nowadays.

I have the following situation. My neighbor's 14 yr old son and 15 yr old daughter are leaving the house through the window of the laundry room of the house around 1-2am and coming back around 3-5am. My understanding is that they can't leave the house through doors/patio doors because the house has alarm with Rogers.

I know they are leaving the house at those hours because I have cameras and they always end up walking right in front of my house. I do not have cameras pointing at their windows. The only reason I know they are leaving the house through that window is that once I was having a smoke in my backyard at 2am and saw it.

My second question to you is what would you do with this situation given the following. Both parents are lawyers and unfortunately are snob/pretentious. I did speak to them on a few occasions over the last 4 years since they moved in. But of course I'm not their kind of people.

I'm concerned for the well-being of the children but telling the parents might not be appreciated to say the least. Once last year I mentioned to them that I had seen their daughter smoking pot on many occasions. Their daughter was hiding on the side of the house with friends to smoke pot. And after informing the parents I've seen the daughter hiding even more to keep on smoking.

Leaving the house through the window is something that only started in late July of this year. And they never leave the house together. It is either the girl or the boy. The girl has a boyfriend who is sometimes waiting for her on the street in front of my house at 1-2am. I'm not talking to them anymore. And I'm concerned informing the parents could eventually lead her children + some of their friends to do damage to my property. They can be quite wild.
Last edited by Imsmarterthanyou on Sep 6th, 2020 8:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.
14 replies
Deal Fanatic
Dec 5, 2006
8327 posts
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Markham
Do those parents know or not? Might be they don't care?

If they don't care, I don't know why you should
[OP]
Newbie
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Jun 5, 2017
48 posts
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At the Circus
smartie wrote: Do those parents know or not? Might be they don't care?

If they don't care, I don't know why you should
My guess is that the parents are totally in the dark about what their two oldest children are doing. After I mentioned their daughter smoking pot I once saw the daughter using a shovel in winter to hide her footprint in the snow after hiding on the side of the house to smoke pot. Unless I'm wrong the legal age to smoke pot in Ontario is 18.

Leaving/entering the house through a window in the laundry room should be a clear sign they are hiding their activities from the parents, no?
Sr. Member
Jun 12, 2008
979 posts
426 upvotes
Ripley
I have teenagers. I would want to know. I am on good terms with my neighbours but they do not rat my kids out and I wish they would!

Since you are not on good terms with them then I probably wouldn't say anything. They are more likely to see it as judgement coming from you since you don't have teens of your own. And these kids sound like the type that would just find a different way out.

I was this type of kid as a teen. The universe is getting back at me now that I have teens. My parents think it is hilarious to be on the other side.
Deal Fanatic
Dec 5, 2006
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Markham
Imsmarterthanyou wrote: My guess is that the parents are totally in the dark about what their two oldest children are doing. After I mentioned their daughter smoking pot I once saw the daughter using a shovel in winter to hide her footprint in the snow after hiding on the side of the house to smoke pot. Unless I'm wrong the legal age to smoke pot in Ontario is 18.

Leaving/entering the house through a window in the laundry room should be a clear sign they are hiding their activities from the parents, no?
Yes of course

But that doesn't mean their parents didn't know. They might know but think it's the nature of this age kids

I don't know, i just guess. But as you said, you told their parents about daughter, afterwards, she still smoked
Deal Addict
Feb 16, 2018
1095 posts
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I have 4 kids, 18,14, 11 and 10 I would absolutely want to know. Can't believe someone asked if the parents know or not. There is a reason they are not going out the front door and are climbing thru a window.
Deal Addict
Jan 19, 2004
1858 posts
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Toronto
My oldest will be that age soon and YES, I would want to know if @&$* like this happens...I would love the neighbour to tell me these things so I can understand why my children are doing this. If they need to go out, be honest about where they’re going and what they’ll be doing at this hour.

They’ve been raised to be honest and transparent...I’ve failed them if they need to sneak out of the house using windows.
[OP]
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Jun 5, 2017
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At the Circus
Thanks for the feedback. It's been a long time since I was a teenager but I too felt it is inappropriate. My concern is genuine as we occasionally have wild animals roaming the streets. We live near a forest and earlier this summer I saw a pack of wolves crossing the street behind my house at 4am. Nevertheless I'm in a pickle as both the parents and the teenagers will be mad at me.
Deal Guru
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Sep 1, 2005
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Markham
Controversial opinions here...some of which I'm sure I'll only get "under breath agreement"

In many cases, teenagers do that a lot more today than in the old days IMO. There is a lot more disobedience than in the old days, I think it partially comes down to authority and fear and a lack of respect.

In the old days, there was the old "strap"/ruler/ladle/shoe.

What do parents do today for punishment- grounding? (I can sneak out at night or I'll just skip a period here or there), take away TV? (I watch Youtube on my phone so no big deal), take away the phone? (my friend will just lend me their old one)

Kids are more spoiled today than we were before...why do so many parents give their kids unlimited everything phone plans? How many ppl have kids with more expensive running shoes than they wear?. In the old days, a whole family might live in only one or two rooms (the ol' immigrant rooming houses). A more educated and well off generation has created a next generation who doesn't see how hard things were at one time.

Having said all that, sneaking out at night does not mean the kid will turn into drug addicts or thieves or criminals...they just want to hang out with friends which is absolutely EVERYTHING to kids.

PS what makes you think the next store parents don't know? Perhaps it's easier for them to turn a blind eye than deal with confrontation (which they may have already confronted many times already). Maybe kid going out window is their considerate thing (ie not waking up the parents when a door opens).

For those now parents who did the same when they were teens...this is karma.
We're all bozos on the bus until we find a way to express ourselves...

Failure is always an option...just not the preferred one!
Deal Addict
Jan 2, 2015
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NOT centre of Univer…
I have a 14 and I have gotten advice from older sister with my niece and nephews on this subject.

My random thoughts
- if the kid is climbing though the window, they are doing it so their parents don’t know. If the parents were okay with it, the kids would just turn off and an on the alarm when they leave
- of course any parent would want to know this is happening

However, this is where is gets tricky. Every parent wants to know what’s going on with there kids, not every parents will accept and some will be in denial. Based on the fact that you don’t have much dealings with the neighbour , I wouldn’t say much. At the most, I would tell the. That there has been motion around their window at night and they should be careful to make sure things are locked. You can drop a hint or tow, but if the parent doesn’t want to investigate that is on them.

If you thought the teenagers were in immediate danger, you should say something, otherwise, it has to be treated really sensitively.
On a 'smart' device that isn't always so smart. So please forgive the autocorrects and typos. If it bothers you, then don't read my posts, but don't waste my time correcting me. If you can get past the typos, then my posts generally have some value.
Deal Expert
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Nov 15, 2004
19133 posts
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Normally this would be out of line for kids their age. 17 or 18 maybe, but not 14 or 15. During a pandemic this is absolutely unacceptable. Contact their parents and let them know their kids are going out and meeting unknown people in the middle of the night who may be infected. It's the responsible thing to do.
Deal Fanatic
Dec 5, 2006
8327 posts
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Markham
Piro21 wrote: Contact their parents and let them know their kids are going out and meeting unknown people in the middle of the night who may be infected.
Scaring people might not always works, it could also leads to legal action

His neighbors are lawyers...... don't talk to your neighbor lawyers as you talk in RFD
Newbie
Jun 14, 2019
21 posts
23 upvotes
Since you don’t know your neighbours well, I wouldn’t tell them. You don’t know what their family dynamics are. What if they end up fighting and the daughter runs away. Or the daughter and son rebel even more. Or the parents don’t appreciate you getting involved. Your desire to help may end up causing them more problems.
Sr. Member
Aug 3, 2017
534 posts
364 upvotes
Can you anonymously leave a note? How about set up flood lights on a motion sensor to shine in the parents window when the kids set it off? How about asking the kids as they sneak out? A few options.
Sr. Member
Jun 13, 2009
680 posts
370 upvotes
Toronto
I personally would not hesitate to tell the parents what you see in the camera footage(you might want to save a clip to show to them), especially if you live in an area with roaming wolf packs Face Screaming In Fear. How the parents decide to handle the situation is up to them, and does not concern the OP in any way.

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