So I Finally Burned Out Completely This Week...

I'd know virtually nil about your field and prospects, but I've been in similar holes couple times. I was bit younger at 28 was my low. All I can say is this. It felt too late for me too, but it's really not. If you decide to do a 180 to another career, you have time. Who cares if others have a few yrs jump. I used my parents as a parachute, and started from scratch.

I'll leave it to others for advice regarding engineering, but should you decide to leave, embrace it. All in. If that means redoing school, so be it. Sometimes the end of the world is where you need to start from. 3 more decades of work ahead. Not too late.

As an aside, many are spinning now, even with jobs and money and family. Hard times.

Get serious about finding a new job. There are employers that pay well and treat you well. Find an activity that relieves your stress.

It sounds like you are mostly dissatisfied with where you are at with your career and maybe a bit more than that - personally had a similar moment back when I was in school trying to figure out what I wanted to do.

No one will be able to give you a career solution here (realistically), but some things that has always helped me is: 1) When your current situation is adversely affecting you, make incremental changes, and 2) Solutions are never perfect, so don't be afraid to attempt something new and don't be afraid to accept the outcomes of your choices

I'd recommend you reflecting on your current situation and figure out what direction you want to take with the rest of your career, whether it's staying within your industry, pivoting to a related one or starting fresh. Remember that even if you have to start fresh, you should already have skills that can be leveraged elsewhere, so it's not as bad as it sounds.

Lastly, the biggest disservice you can do to yourself is to accept the current situation as your future reality. I had several past colleagues much older than yourself that recently did a career change, so anything is possible as long as you don't give up.

OP, you’re *not* a loser. Although I don’t have helpful career-specific advice to offer, I did want to echo a PP and suggest that you consider talking to someone about these feels. This might be helpful for you, if you’re interested: https://inkblottherapy.com/faq

If you find yourself struggling with anxiety often, look into basic techniques like grounding or the ‘leaves on a stream’ activity (easy to find on You Tube). Hang in there.

OP, you're not too young to do something different. I finished school just a few years ago at 30 and now I have a job that I like. It's not too late for you. Find out what you want to do and find out if and what kind of schooling you need. You could do a two-year program somewhere and be done at 35. Since you're living at home, hopefully you've been keeping your expenses low and saving money all these years. That's going to allow you to venture into something new.

There's absolutely no shame in changing your career in your 30's and you shouldn't be embarrassed about it. That's why people often don't have the courage to do the right thing and get stuck in situations that they hate. Don't be one of those people. Do the right thing for yourself.

Thank you guys all for the kind words of encouragement. I think the biggest obstacle right now is figuring out where I want to go from here. I’m just beating myself over the fact that it took me so long to get to this point. I tried to “tough it out” but I can’t do it any longer.

Looking back now, a lot of my friends went into the same program as me but decided to drop out or change course. They just decided that it was not for them. I didn’t have the luxury of experimenting, since I was always pushed towards a field that “pays a lot” or has a lot of good job prospects by family. Clearly sitting in front of a computer for eight hours a day and essentially drawing, answering emails, or helping people solve their problems due to poor engineering practices on our end.

My self esteem is down in the dumps right now. Everybody around me believes that I can do better (friends and co-workers) except myself. I wasn’t always like this, just these last two years I have been struggling and going down a path that I thought was the answer(clearly the idea of starting my own business in the same field was an expression of anger and frustration the more I think about it).

Guess I really have some deep reflecting to do now. I haven’t gone for a single interview since 2013. I sent out a couple of resumes here and there over the last couple of years to some local utilities essentially doing the same kind of work. Clearly at this point I think it’s akin to jumping out of the pot into the fire(with higher pay and good pension only after being miserable for x amount of years).

amz155 wrote: ↑ OP, you’re *not* a loser. Although I don’t have helpful career-specific advice to offer, I did want to echo a PP and suggest that you consider talking to someone about these feels. This might be helpful for you, if you’re interested: https://inkblottherapy.com/faq

If you find yourself struggling with anxiety often, look into basic techniques like grounding or the ‘leaves on a stream’ activity (easy to find on You Tube). Hang in there.

I have been seeing a therapist over the last couple of years to try to work on things since the death of a very close family member(which brought a lot of things to the forefront that I was bottling up over the years). I haven't spoken to her since COVID started last March (I figured other people would need her much more with everything going on) and I thought I was doing good. I gave her a call this week and left her a voicemail. Apparently she is super busy and will return calls in a couple of business days.

It's great that you sent out a couple resume here and there. That's a good starting point to explore new opportunities.

Look at job postings online. See what are the new requirements nowadays. You might need to take a course to keep up to date. You might be happier once you switch jobs. More money will make you happier? New work environment with new colleagues will make you happier? or maybe new opportunity/new challenges will make you happier.

I also haven't gone for an interview since 2013-2014. My workplace is so busy that I forgot about my personal career goals. I just work, work, and work. Once a project is done, another project shows up, then another project. It has become a routine. Never ending. If you have vacation days, I suggest you to take some days off here and there. Spend some time, think about your next career move, read job descriptions online, etc. It's hard to think about these things when you work during the week.

MarinersFanatik wrote: ↑ OP, you're not too young to do something different. I finished school just a few years ago at 30 and now I have a job that I like. It's not too late for you. Find out what you want to do and find out if and what kind of schooling you need. You could do a two-year program somewhere and be done at 35. Since you're living at home, hopefully you've been keeping your expenses low and saving money all these years. That's going to allow you to venture into something new.

There's absolutely no shame in changing your career in your 30's and you shouldn't be embarrassed about it. That's why people often don't have the courage to do the right thing and get stuck in situations that they hate. Don't be one of those people. Do the right thing for yourself.

Got me thinking, I had mentioned above I was 28 when i hit a low, but I stumbled again at 30. Didn't get hired for the career that stuck until just before 33. So yes, I'll echo the point that there is time.

Check out the website of the colleges near you, maybe a post grad certificate in something. As well, there would be programs that are college programs designed to be attended by HS grads, so you'd be overqualified...and yes, older...but they often provide job experience avenues. Then once in, your degree could simply enhance the overall package you bring to the company.

OP, it's hard to answer your question without more details about what exactly the details are to your question "Is this just what all office jobs are really like(overwhelmed and overworked, especially during COVID)", but the answer is most likely Yes and No.

Yes, most office jobs share the same problems, whether they are politics, or having folks who freeload and get carried, etc., but also no, because not all office jobs are overwhelming and overworked. Most people don't enjoy their jobs, and that's okay - as long as you make enough to make up for it. It sounds like this is your main problem right now - you have a shitty job that pays shit. Either get a job you love even though it pays shit, or get another job that you equally hate but pays much better. The Toronto professional job market is booming right now and so the first thing I'd do is find a new job. It doesn't matter if it might not be a better job because you're looking for dollars here. If you are as underpaid as you claim to be, having been in the same job for so many years, I have no doubt you'll get 50%+ more than you do currently. This will be step one to boost your self esteem.

Step 2, make a 5, 10, 20 year life goal. What do you want to be at what age? Do you want a house? A new car? Formulate milestones to these goals that are just beyond what you believe is reasonable and expectable. Start focusing on these goals and think about what you need to do to get you there.

Step 3, start identifying what your ideal job is now, and make a plan to get there. Wait for the company to have postings, or contribute/volunteer/network/continuing education for it. Plan out what you want to do with your startup - if you're 60% of the way there, it probably makes sense to finish it, even if you don't love it, as long as you don't hate it. Find investors for it - you should have tons to show for it at 60%, and potentially sell it off if you really don't like it that much. Don't skip to this step right away - you need the confidence booster from step 1.

OP it's not a coincidence you had a health scare. It happened for this very reason to alert to make a change. Normally I say find another job and quit but given your situation, quit now. By quitting now you're telling yourself and the universe your open to new possibilities and ideas.

Make a plan for yourself - first figure out what you want to do and what kind of job. Once you know or have an idea look at job descriptions that match that and then get the education, certification and/or experience to help you get interviews. No need to make a life plan. Just figure out what you want to do in the short-term.

We often learn too late in life that in life there's no right or wrong, no winning or losing. It just is. Stop comparing yourself with others. Live your life according to your own values and desires. Stop worrying about what others expect or what others will think. That's just a surefire way of staying in misery. Age is a human construct/excuse that we often use to limit ourselves.

I highly recommend meditation and resources to uncover/rediscover your self-worth/value. That is the root issue for most of us, me included. From your situation, it seems quite obvious based on number of things you've said - you seem to put yourself last, like you're not important enough.

I've gone through what you have but it took me so much longer to move on. You've got some really great advice/perspectives in this thread about how to change the negative stories you've been telling yourself, including dismissing yourself. Your issues are important. These are self-worth issues. If your therapist isn't working with you on these issues I highly recommend finding someone else.

You'll be fine. Trust in yourself and life.

May I offer my 2 cents. I am exactly your age and graduated the same year as you. Was stuck in a job I didn't like that much with poor career prospects until I decided that was enough, did a college certificate in the field I wanted to get in, started back again as an intern, gained experience in Toronto's booming market, doubled my salary in 2 years (not that I'm a millionaire but there's growth) and looking forward. Do I love my new job.. not everyday but prospects are lightyears away from my previous job.

You seem exhausted for personal reasons. Take a break, we all need it as some point anyway, we're not robots.

What strikes me is your education. I do not know exactly the program you studied but I can tell you that it's so valuable in the GTA. I am not a technical guy, had to learn how to read drawings, basics of architectural, mechanical, electrical etc.... from scratch and while doing my other full time job. You probably already have this knowledge. You don't have to do design if you don't enjoy it, there are so many other fields where your background could be an asset for.

It seems you just have to find a job that you like a bit better than your current job. It doesn't have to be a love story, just not something you hate to the point you don't want to go to work. Good luck OP, GTA's job market is amazing, take advantage of it!

It’s good that you reach out. There are lots of helpful advice already provided so I won’t necessarily repeat them. But I do recommend continuing discussion with your family/friends/trusted-individual on what is going on.

Further on the career advice, you might want to get some professional assistance on that too, since every individual and their situations are different. The advisor should help you ask/answer: Is goal to get into municipal or provincial utility still your desire? What is your roadmap to get there? Do you want continue in the engineering field? Why? Outside of money what are the pros and cons with XYZ – is it your passion? Would further education full-time or while working part-time be viable?

A good career counselor (not the only options, just one of many) should help you to explore yourself and understand why you answer the way that you did, etc.

From the sounds of it, your current job is not for you at this stage in life. Also doing/preparing your own business is not really a good fit for you at this time either. You’ll need to seriously think about quitting or continuing while looking for a different job.

However, should you wish to build/broaden on your seemly positive experience from Best Buy - you might wish to explore/work as an application engineer. While the actual role will differ depending on the company but application engineer’s general objective is what you described within the Best Buy paragraph.

TechGuy2021X wrote: ↑ I’m fortunate enough that I live at home still with no wife, kids, or a mortgage(I help out with the monthly expenses). I know that I have options, yet I feel paralyzed.

I think this actually the root of you problem. You need something else in your life. More responsibility. Yes it gives you flexibility right now but it’s not a pie for happiness. Obviously you can’t snap ur fingers and get married but you can get your own place and start to adult. Maybe first take some of this other advice but medium term you have to live your own life.

I find that our current education system sets up for failure by tricking us with the prospects of getting a fancy, well-paying career and making us feel entitled to that career when we get that piece of paper at the end of university. They don't prepare us for real life and how hard it is to work.

Work is hard, and getting a better education does not mean the type of work your education trains you to do is easier. If you don't like where you are now, take any other job and be good at it. Don't feel like you have to get a job related to your career because any other job will broaden your perspective on life and could help you get out of your negative mindset.

I am in a very similar age/situation as you OP except I have a kid on the way, wife and mortgage to support.
I have a job/career i realized I absolutely do not like and dread literally everyday.
It did hit me recently that I wasted a lot of time using busy as an excuse and procrastinating.

Now I am more motivated then ever with the responsibilities and coming ones I have, work doesn't end for me at 4-5pm, I am now working on bettering my situation up to the time I sleep everyday. I use the dreading of waking up the next morning as fuel. Situation will not change overnight but as long as there is progress and movement; stay positive.

So OP you have more time then me, and less responsibility take advantage and make that change today time is definitely more valuable then money at this point.

I'm a bit confused on the point where you started your own business or were going to start it. Did you do this and you're now working for your business (working for yourself), or are you still working at a company?

Thanks again guys for the support. I have decided to start looking tomorrow and planning to jump on Indeed and make an account. Woke up with a feeling of dread this morning thinking about tomorrow, but luckily I work from home on Mondays and won't have to go into the office until later this week for a couple of days. Trying to calm my mind and staying in the moment is bit challenging right now, but I'm doing the best I can.

Given the consensus here and what my family has suggested I'm leaving regardless. The issue I'm struggling with now is trying to stay grounded while working and looking/trying to figure out what kind of work I want to do. Some of you have suggested to quit right away(my brother told me the same thing). Other family members have told me to find something else first. I think I can handle my responsibilities at work and look for something new at the same time(hell, it's been almost nine years, so what a little while longer...). Guess we'll see how things go. One day at a time...

fogetmylogin wrote: ↑ I think this actually the root of you problem. You need something else in your life. More responsibility. Yes it gives you flexibility right now but it’s not a pie for happiness. Obviously you can’t snap ur fingers and get married but you can get your own place and start to adult. Maybe first take some of this other advice but medium term you have to live your own life.

I agree with you there 100%. Before the pandemic hit I would occupy my time with extracurricular activities, go to the gym and I was into the online dating world. That all stopped pretty much near the start of the pandemic. Also in my culture it's not uncommon to stay home until you are married or ready to move out with somebody. I figured with my low salary it would be beneficial if I stayed home and saved money(which I have done over the last couple of years).

ES_Revenge wrote: ↑ I'm a bit confused on the point where you started your own business or were going to start it. Did you do this and you're now working for your business (working for yourself), or are you still working at a company?

I guess a little background story would help here(long read again, apologies)

The more good I got at my job over the last couple of years the more I saw that the way we are doing things at work seem very inefficient. We are also not keeping up with technology the way we should(as mentioned it's a small business with a very outdated mindset in my opinion). In early 2019 I had a talk with my manger and presented him with a couple of ideas which I had been working on after work on my own time(back when I actually cared and was somewhat still engaged with work). I wanted to try to implement it on a trial run and see where it goes. It was a new way of doing things, but the cost savings and new technology would put us on a new path(in this I was confident, and still am today). During this same meeting, I brought up the topic of getting a better raise, since I had been with the company for almost 7 years now with very little to show. He was receptive to my ideas, but the issue of a raise was essentially shot down and he could care less how much time I spent after work trying to make things better at work. He went on a diatribe about his vision for the future of the company and he literally said something along the lines of "if you no longer believe in what we are trying to do here, then jump". Needless to say, I felt belittled but I didn't want to quit on my idea. That was the end of that and I never approached him again regarding this topic and he didn't bother to bring it up. Just stick to your lane and do what is expected of you...

I still didn't want to give up. I was angry and frustrated more than anything at this point. I started to order some parts and started to build my own equipment. I even enrolled in online courses on Udemy to learn the software programming side of it(I have software experience, but this required learning a couple of new standards). I got good at it and understood it. I even hired a couple of people on Upwork for small things that would take me to long to learn and got them to do the work for me. At this point I had balance in my life still. There was no pandemic. It was more of a weekend thing a couple of hours and a couple of hours during the week.

Near the end of 2019 things were going ok but not going as fast as I wanted. This is when I started to get a little bit more serious about it. Then the pandemic happened and like a lot of people my life outside of work became non-existent. I got to work from home and this was a blessing and a curse. I started to put in more hours at work(I didn't have to but I wanted the extra money to finance my project without having to take away from the money I would usually put into savings). Unlike most people, I didn't start watching more Netflix or gaming. I saw this as an opportunity. I started to put in more hours on my project and especially on weekends. I kept going even when I had to start going back into the office a couple times of the week earlier this year. My goal and promise to myself was that the moment I sold my first unit I would quit. Of course this didn't happen based on what I said in my first post.

So here we are and about $6000 worth of investment up to this point(to be honest the amount of time that I put in is more precious to me than the money). I'm confused and don't know where to go. Just the other day I picked up a part I had ordered a couple of weeks ago. I didn't even bother to take it out of the box to inspect it. I'm asking myself whether this was all anger or resentment or am I trying to prove something to myself. Don't get me wrong, when ever I hit a milestone and got to move something over on my Kanban board it felt great. However, I have had no desire to work on it anymore since last week. I guess this is what burnout feels like. I don't even know what you can call it at this point...

I'm putting the breaks on everything right now(I'm even cutting my hours back this week and planning to work no OT unless absolutely necessary). Not sure where to go from here...

OP I will just echo the thoughts on seeing a therapist (which you’re doing already), and taking care of yourself first. Period! Check out the TedTalk by Hamza Khan on Burnout, some good stuff here. Link...

The first sign is recognizing it, and you’ve done that. I wish you all the best! I experienced burnout earlier in my career but I didn’t know at the time what to call it. I’ve managed it better now at recognizing the signs and setting more boundaries.

TechGuy2021X wrote: ↑ Thanks again guys for the support. I have decided to start looking tomorrow and planning to jump on Indeed and make an account. Woke up with a feeling of dread this morning thinking about tomorrow, but luckily I work from home on Mondays and won't have to go into the office until later this week for a couple of days. Trying to calm my mind and staying in the moment is bit challenging right now, but I'm doing the best I can.

Given the consensus here and what my family has suggested I'm leaving regardless. The issue I'm struggling with now is trying to stay grounded while working and looking/trying to figure out what kind of work I want to do. Some of you have suggested to quit right away(my brother told me the same thing). Other family members have told me to find something else first. I think I can handle my responsibilities at work and look for something new at the same time(hell, it's been almost nine years, so what a little while longer...). Guess we'll see how things go. One day at a time...

It feels like you have a lot of pent up anger and frustration with your current employer and you're probably going to be miserable the second that you step into that office later this week. If you don't have too much financial responsibilities and have been saving money, I would just quit now. Take some time to work on your mental and physical well-being while you also look for a new job. How much longer do you think you can hang in there and is that money really worth being miserable over? If you go into the office and you start feeling miserable again, you should just quit. Don't continue to put yourself through this if you don't have to.