Terrible 2 and half year old son to start pre-school

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Sep 13th, 2018 4:56 pm

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Sep 4th, 2018 11:32 pm

mayluvz [OP]: Member; Sep 24, 2005; 243 posts; 5 upvotes

Sep 4th, 2018 11:32 pm

Terrible 2 and half year old son to start pre-school

My partner and I have our first son together going to pre-school next week. He is 2 1/2 years old and has a few bad habits and behaviors as a result of having multiple caregivers from my family all with different styles of caring for our child while my partner and I are at work. My partner and I didn’t set any ground rules early on as we were perceived as the unknowing unwise first time new parents. A few of the bad behaviours are as follows and we are stressing out whether our kid will bring this bad behaviour of his on his first year of school or whether the nursery school will somehow mold that behaviour into something pleasant and change it for the good. We’re very nervous how our kid will do - will he thrive ?will it curb his tantrums /bad behaviour? Or will we have to pull him out of school if both sides (parents & school) see him as not being ready for school at 2 and half years old?

Any experience with a terrible two year old son/daughter with the following behaviour ? How did you manage ?

- throwing objects (big & small) your direction unprovoked
- throwing tantrums and harming self and others if he doesn’t get what he wants (headbutting others - he once gave me a bloody nose and a bruised face because of this , kicking others and screaming never ending)
- pulling others hair/hitting/slapping others when upset and not knowing about turn taking or know how to share

Lastly:
- around the age of 1-2 years old he was introduced to an iPad by my mother (grandmother) and his uncles (my brothers) to entertain him while my partner and I are at work and I didn’t set my foot down with my family to not give him the iPad out of fear of my family’s judgment/rejection (ie. being to unnecessarily strict on my kid at an early age or potentially that my family refusing to take care of our son if I say something that goes against their way of caregiving).

Since this has gone on, my kid says iPad repeatedly at his own whim and throws a major tantrum when not being given. The whole house turns upside down when he has a major tantrum where everyone (including ourselves) Are at the point of given up and just give him what he wants to stop any of the above....

I admit my partner and I are to blame at the early stages where this could have been avoided but as new first time parents we relied so much on others for help (and advice) that it is turning out to be not for the better... I feel like the nursery school is our last shot for changing our kid’s bad behaviour..

Any thoughts? Experience on how you dealt with a terrible two?

44 replies

Sep 5th, 2018 7:46 am

Heavenleigh85: Deal Addict; Aug 10, 2013; 1686 posts; 402 upvotes; Toronto

Sep 5th, 2018 7:46 am

First things first , take the iPad away permanently. He will cry for a while but he will get over it. Screen addiction is a real problem and just makes tantrums worse. Preschools are able to deal with some bad behaviour as it’s expected but if your child is out of control to the point where the safety of other children are at risk they will most likely ask you to keep him home. Have you also thought about having him evaluated? Could he be autistic and acting out because of frustrations communicating? Is he talking in short sentences? You will have to develop a routine at home and some form of discipline when he misbehaves like does he go into time out?keep putting him in time out 3 mins at a time. If that doesn’t work spank him, a pop on the bum when he’s misbehaving should get your message across.

+7

Sep 5th, 2018 8:01 am

s7yl3: Newbie; Nov 9, 2008; 33 posts; 14 upvotes; Toronto

Sep 5th, 2018 8:01 am

Yeah. Take the iPad and tv away. It really prohibits speech development. They end up watching and not interacting/talking to you.

As a father, I really want to be a friend to my son, but when the bad behavior starts, you need to discipline to discourage the behaviour. So you need to be prepared to be his enemy at times. Time out is usually good for my son. When you discipline make sure to tell him what he did was wrong.

+1

Sep 5th, 2018 8:02 am

sherman51: Deal Addict; Mar 23, 2011; 1519 posts; 484 upvotes

Sep 5th, 2018 8:02 am

Yes take the iPad away, you are the parent and are still in charge.
Talking to your pediatrician may be an idea to see if there are underlying issues such as autism.
Otherwise the next tantrum a bit of yelling could scare the hell into him and he'll cry more but the tantrums may stop. Otherwise find some other sort of discipline for when he acts out.
Lastly, if this is how he acts when frustrated, is your partner staying home with the other one? It may be necessary to postpone pre-school until you get some control/answers about the behavior because the school will just send him home anyway if he acts violently there anyway.
First call should be to schedule a doctor visit.

Alex

Sep 5th, 2018 11:11 pm

TrevorK: Deal Expert; Aug 2, 2001; 15631 posts; 5852 upvotes

Sep 5th, 2018 11:11 pm

If you decide to send him to preschool then you need to have a conversation with them about your child's behaviour. It is unfair to the staff and other children in there if your child is violent and actively trying to hurt others. I would personally hesitate to put him in a group setting knowing what you know because you bear some responsibility for his actions as you are aware of them.

I would talk with his doctor about his temper / physical habits (violence) to ensure that you child has no medical issues.

+2

Sep 6th, 2018 8:09 am

GoodFellaz: Penalty Box; Jun 24, 2015; 2299 posts; 470 upvotes; Woodbridge, ON

Sep 6th, 2018 8:09 am

Preschool was very good for my oldest one. She was partially potty trained but when she went to preschool she saw how other kids were going to the bathroom and she wanted to do the same herself so it encouraged her to want to go bathroom on her own. It also taught her how to share toys with other kids, how to be nice to others, how to clean up after yourself, how to ask a grown up for something you want, etcetera. So there are so many good things kids learn in preschool that they do not learn from a caregiver or babysitter. give it a try

+2

Sep 6th, 2018 2:29 pm

Tsanger: Jr. Member; Aug 31, 2014; 165 posts; 65 upvotes; Toronto, ON

Sep 6th, 2018 2:29 pm

I really enjoy articles / approaches by this person
https://www.janetlansbury.com

also, there's a ABC of parenting course by a Yale Professor that I find is a good approach too
https://www.coursera.org/learn/everyday-parenting

+1

Sep 6th, 2018 2:48 pm

thelefteyeguy: Deal Expert; Jun 9, 2003; 24145 posts; 1412 upvotes; Markham, ON

Sep 6th, 2018 2:48 pm

at 2.5 he should have already gone to pre-school in the mornings, nap in the afternoon after lunch...and then 2 hours with the caregiver....by then im thinking both parents are at home.

at 2.5...the kid needs stimulation....not a bunch of grandparents, uncles, etc, the whole day. If you are asking this after september...im assuming you are running already very very late as most pre-schools are booked. Try for a space in Jan (unless you already have one booked). Look for churches, etc, or advice from local facebook groups for good recommendations for 1/2 day schools. It might not be that book as "pre-pre-schools" usually have high turnover as it is sometimes a buffer for most parents when parents place 3-year olds to more permanent preschools until Jr/Sr Kindergarten.
Hopefully you or your partner are spending at least 3 hours of the day with him at night....playing reading, etc.

The problem right now is he doesnt know "how" to behave, experience teachers and playing with children his age will teach him proper behavior. Of course, the parents also need to reinforce the proper behavior.

btw...i didnt read anything that you wrote that indicated "autism"....but sure why not get him tested...

...a proper recommended pre-school for 2-3 year olds is a gold mine for a child...games, reading, painting, arts, crafts...i can't stress it enough. The only time your child would have for "ipad" is "maybe" the time after the nap and when you guys come home.

Sep 6th, 2018 4:53 pm

NubNub: Sr. Member; Jan 16, 2007; 960 posts; 248 upvotes; Toronto

Sep 6th, 2018 4:53 pm

IPads are crack for adults let alone a kid without much self control.

My kid was bit by another during daycare years ago with a scar to show for it to this day. That kids was expelled and never seen again. Teachers couldn't handle him or fear retribution from me, but they dealt with it quickly.

+2

Sep 6th, 2018 6:37 pm

Macx2mommy: Deal Addict; Jan 2, 2015; 1568 posts; 817 upvotes

Sep 6th, 2018 6:37 pm

. So first you can have the paediatrician check you child out just in case. I don’t see any thing out of the ordinary from a medical perspective, but I am not a dr.

Next, you and your partner need to figure out a CONSISTENT parenting strategy especially for when he acts up and has a trantrum. Kidshave tantrums because they may not be able to express themselves. They continue to act up, because it works. When it stops working. Then they will stop. So you and spouse can’t give in PERIOD. If you are looking for strategies, a good book for you is 123 Magic.

Then once you have your strategy, take away the iPad forever. Don’t replace it with other tech, it other activities. This is after you have worked through the strategies you and spouse have made decided on. If you give in here, it won’t get better. I view constantly giving in is like giving up on teaching your child and taking the short term easy route,

Finally recognize that you are biggest factor to your child behaviour, the inconsistency. You have stop letting what your family thinks. You are the parent, it is your responsibility to set limits, groundrules, and decide how strict to be. If you aren’t sure, it’s up to you to educate yourself through reading, seminars, ect. You choose their opinion over what is good for your child. You let others make the rules (or no rules at all). I would rather not have people like that take care of my children. You see the results now, so don’t let it happen again when it comes to the school.

With preschool, they should have some good techniques, but again you are relying on someone else to fix your child. If your child if
A violent, has tantrums, or will hurt another child, then the school has every right to ask him to leave. It’s not fair for the other kids or teacher. The teacher is not your sons parent. You can ask them for techniques, but you must also be consistent. You must also kindly speak to the other caregivers.

You need to decide what you are your spouse are going to do.

On a 'smart' device that isn't always so smart. So please forgive the autocorrects and typos. If it bothers you, then don't read my posts, but don't waste my time correcting me. If you can get past the typos, then my posts generally have some value.

Sep 6th, 2018 6:50 pm

Macx2mommy: Deal Addict; Jan 2, 2015; 1568 posts; 817 upvotes

Sep 6th, 2018 6:50 pm

mayluvz wrote: ↑
Sep 4th, 2018 11:32 pm
Any experience with a terrible two year old son/daughter with the following behaviour ? How did you manage ?

- throwing objects (big & small) your direction unprovoked
- throwing tantrums and harming self and others if he doesn’t get what he wants (headbutting others - he once gave me a bloody nose and a bruised face because of this , kicking others and screaming never ending)
- pulling others hair/hitting/slapping others when upset and not knowing about turn taking or know how to share

Any thoughts? Experience on how you dealt with a terrible two?

Didn’t want to be too hard without giving some strategies
I would find a place where your son knows he can go to think or calm himself down. Similar to time but bit, exactly. A time out is a punishment, timing in is for them to have a chance to calm down and think. It should be the same place.

1. - throwing objects (big & small) your direction unprovoked
Calmly tell you child that whatever the object is not to be thrown, and ask to pick it up. Usually there is a reason to throw (frustration, trying to get attention, Entertainment) tell them what to do instead, If really no reason, then have then think about what they did in the spot. Everytime they throw something, items get removed.

-2. throwing tantrums and harming self and others if he doesn’t get what he wants (headbutting others - he once gave me a bloody nose and a bruised face because of this , kicking others and screaming never ending).
Try helping out words on why he is having a tantrum. Like. I know you really want that iPad, it’s not time for iPad right now. Can I help you calm down, and big hug or restraining them can help. The goal on the tantrum is helping him put words and labeling his feelings and frustrations, and teaching him to calm down. If he starts hurting people, you restrain him until he is tuckered out and then help calm him down. You might not get him to the spot right away.

3. - pulling others hair/hitting/slapping others when upset and not knowing about turn taking or know how to share.
Remove your son, explain hitting is not okay, tell him what the appropriate is, have him calm down, then have him apologize when calm.

There are many articles and books about tantrums, so it’s pretty normal. Check out 123 magic and look up ‘positive parenting’

Sep 6th, 2018 8:38 pm

mayluvz [OP]: Member; Sep 24, 2005; 243 posts; 5 upvotes

Sep 6th, 2018 8:38 pm

Thanks for all the tips guys, so tonight is parent teacher night before his first day on Monday. They did let us know if they see an indication the child is not ready after monitoring for the first two weeks that they will report us their observations and will work with us to reach a decision that is best for our son. And if ultimately if the decision is not to continue with the school and pull him out, we can try again for next year.

We did bring it up to the school about our kid’s behavior and that the tantrums could be out of hand, and they were nice enough to say that we can try this out and see if there is any changes in the next two weeks.

We will try the Time In strategy at home and probably have a talk with the rest of the family for some ground rules.

Sep 6th, 2018 9:56 pm

at1212b: Deal Guru; Mar 31, 2008; 10528 posts; 1640 upvotes; Toronto

Sep 6th, 2018 9:56 pm

Is pre-school daycare? What city are you in?

Sep 7th, 2018 9:04 am

thelefteyeguy: Deal Expert; Jun 9, 2003; 24145 posts; 1412 upvotes; Markham, ON

Sep 7th, 2018 9:04 am

your child will love preschool in about a month....the transition is tough on most children

if the teachers are good...everything will be fine very soon....

but boys will be boys ...there will be difficult interactions in the future.

+1

Sep 7th, 2018 12:29 pm

GoodFellaz: Penalty Box; Jun 24, 2015; 2299 posts; 470 upvotes; Woodbridge, ON

Sep 7th, 2018 12:29 pm

at1212b wrote: ↑
Sep 6th, 2018 9:56 pm
Is pre-school daycare? What city are you in?

yes its the same thing

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