What would u choose - At-home grandparent care vs outside daycare centre?

SmokinGun wrote: ↑ May learn to become aggressive

Not sure how you might have arrived at this conclusion.

Depends on your child and their personality, and whether you can afford/want to spend the money.

My son went to daycare for about 9mth just before kindergarten because he was awfully shy and clingy, and kept to himself at social playdates. We wanted to break that mold before he entered public school. So for him it was money well spent as he blended into the first day of school without a temper tantrum or crying like a lot of other kids did. He did all of that when he first started daycare and so by the time school started, he was cool with being away from mommy & daddy.

My daughter on the other hand was the polar opposite. Played well, interacted well, and overall curious. She stayed at home with Grandma, and couldn't wait to start school.

Depends on the grandparents and their personalities.

Some would come and sit in front of the tv and provide minimal care. (Mine).

Some would insist the child goes to their house where they are left unsupervised while the grandparent carries on with outside chores and sees no problem with this. (His).

Some would come and plan all kinds of activities and outings focused around the child and their needs. (never met a grandparent like this).

Unless I had the last kind I would send the child to a centre and use grandparents as back up.

6060842 wrote: ↑ Not sure how you might have arrived at this conclusion.

+1 on this. Sending the kids to daycare would even foster independence.

zeddy wrote: ↑

Some would come and plan all kinds of activities and outings focused around the child and their needs. (never met a grandparent like this).

Unless I had the last kind I would send the child to a centre and use grandparents as back up.

+1 for this. Totally useful to have grandparents to cover sick days (there'll be lots of those).

Most grandparents aren't able to engage kids like they do in daycare. It's a LOT of work and I've seen where resentment can build when grandparents are tired, stretched and lose their freedom. What if they have a doctors appointment or a lunch date? Are they willing to give up all of their freedom?

Kids going to daycare will typically be better adjusted for school - it's not so much about socialization, vs. things like learning how to line up, how to listen and how to take turns and other independence. Not sure about the "becoming aggressive" comment. Kids coming from home straight to kindergarten can often struggle with the big change in boundaries and discipline - so it's really not a valid con IMO.

BTW for sickness, it's anecdotal but if kids aren't exposed to germs during daycare, all that'll happen is they'll be more sick their first year of school. It's just delaying the inevitable.

SmokinGun wrote: ↑ I have the above choice.

Grandparents' Care:
PROS: Free, more love & attention for child, less infections from other children
CONS: Play with other children and socialization

Daycare centre:
PROS: Socialization
CONS: $$$, Sick, May learn to become aggressive

It is an either or at this moment, as my grandparents worry that sending my child to daycare for 2 or 3 days may bring Covid-19 germs to them.

I like to save $$$ having grandparents' care, but wonder if that would hurt my child's cognitive development.

Some other considerations -
Will the grandparents parent with your values and follow through with what you deem important? Will the grandparent provide discipline and structure. in they way you would want? I have seen many complaints here and other places that they don't like what the grandparents are teaching the kids or how. Grand parents are more likely to spoil the kids with love, which is there job as grandparents, but not as care givers. This become a problem if you are getting free child care. Will you be able to have open discussions on how they need to be a caregiver (not just grandparent)? Will they listen.

This was the number one reason I never had my our parents take care of the kids.

Will your grandparents want to do it every day? Are they giving up their retirement freedom? Is it safe for them (COVID)?

Development and socialization. This is big one with homecare. It really depends on the type of grandparents and people they are. My friends parents are the caregiver, the mom was an elementary teacher, so this little kid is just as social and developed as anyone on in daycare, even more so. Other kids (that I have seen), the grandparents more just hang out, and attend to the basic needs (food, naps, cleaning), but not developmental. Development when they are young, they just need lots of love and interaction. Will grandparents be really attentive? Socialization - Will the grandparents to the kids where other kids are? Or are they more home bodies?

For me, we went with a nanny with an family nanny share. It was the best of both worlds. My kids had a lots of attention, but were not alone. Since I was an employer relationship, I could ask things to be done exactly the way I wanted. If not, I could find someone different (never had to), but it's hard to fire your parents, and I never wanted to be put in the scenario because I know we have an extremely different parenting philosophies.

The only draw back was I was playing the cost of full university tuition every year. It worked in our budget, so we did it, but you have to see if it works in yours. I had our grandparents cover for when the nanny was sick or on vacation.

Macx2mommy wrote: ↑ Some other considerations -
Will the grandparents parent with your values and follow through with what you deem important? Will the grandparent provide discipline and structure. in they way you would want? I have seen many complaints here and other places that they don't like what the grandparents are teaching the kids or how. Grand parents are more likely to spoil the kids with love, which is there job as grandparents, but not as care givers. This become a problem if you are getting free child care. Will you be able to have open discussions on how they need to be a caregiver (not just grandparent)? Will they listen.

This was the number one reason I never had my our parents take care of the kids.

My grandparents are retired professional accountants, and admitted that they had grandparents to take care of my spouse when young as baby. They appear to care and love my child (their first grandchild) a lot.

Macx2mommy wrote: ↑
Will your grandparents want to do it every day? Are they giving up their retirement freedom? Is it safe for them (COVID)?

They would do it every day for 5 days, for first 2 months as a trial, with no weekends, at their house.

Because they realise that my spouse and I have just changed jobs with a new house, and because they love their first grandkid, they are willing to provide child care for now, even they mentioned they also treasure their retirement freedom greatly. They said they wouldnt offer childcare for my 2nd child in future.

Because of Covid, that is why they do not want their grandchild to go to a daycare part time, and brings the germs to them.

Macx2mommy wrote: ↑ The only draw back was I was playing the cost of full university tuition every year. It worked in our budget, so we did it, but you have to see if it works in yours. I had our grandparents cover for when the nanny was sick or on vacation.

In my case, grandparents are contributing to my child's RESP annually.

SmokinGun wrote: ↑ My grandparents are retired professional accountants, and admitted that they had grandparents to take care of my spouse when young as baby. They appear to care and love my child (their first grandchild) a lot.

They would do it every day for 5 days, for first 2 months as a trial, with no weekends, at their house.

Because they realise that my spouse and I have just changed jobs with a new house, and because they love their first grandkid, they are willing to provide child care for now, even they mentioned they also treasure their retirement freedom greatly. They said they wouldn't offer childcare for my 2nd child in future.

Because of Covid, that is why they do not want their grandchild to go to a daycare part time, and brings the germs to them.

In my case, grandparents are contributing to my child's RESP annually.

Of course the grandparents love and adore their grandchildren (it would be sad if they didn't). My consideration was more if they have the same parenting philosophy as you and your spouse. That's where some strife could happen. For me, both my parents and my in laws adore my kids, but their views on parenting are very different than mine. This is okay as grandparents, but not as a child care provider. If your parents have similar views as you and your spouse, then it won't be a problem.

I would make sure they have ways to give your child some social interaction with other kids and mental development. I am not sure accountants are trained in that, but they did have kids of their own.

I think it's great your parents are willing to help. I was just pointing out some of the areas which could cause tension. At the end of the day, if you want to give it a try and know if it doesn't work out, there will be no hard feelings, then go for it.

this is a no brainer
daycare

6060842 wrote: ↑ Not sure how you might have arrived at this conclusion.

or this conclusion

if that would hurt my child's cognitive development.

OP there's no right or wrong, nor can anyone answer this question for you (you're just going to get opinions), only your spouse can figure that out because it requires knowing the context, personality of grandparents and ages of the kids, your financial situation, etc. Having a pros and cons list is good but you have some odd assumptions, as noted. Don't worry so much about things like their cognitive development or aggression - focus on what makes sense at THIS TIME. Things are going to continue to change, you learn have to adapt.

My parents look after their grandkids 2/day, the other grandparents 1 day and day care the other days. Yeah there's some disagreements or annoyances but nothing that reasonable adults can't figure out.

Hood_Rep wrote: ↑ this is a no brainer
daycare

Maybe for you might be a no brainer, but don't make that assumption for others.

If I were in your shoes, i would pick grandparents' childcare in a heart beat, for the following reasons:

a) Your grandparents are just offering the care as a 2-month trial. This trial will end if it does not work out for them (e.g., too much work, too tiring, less freedom for them to socialise or travel, etc), or fo you (e..g, too far to drop off your child at their house). However, you have nothing to lose.

b) I think that you may be satisfied with their occasional care of your child in past 10 months. It is obvious that they love and care for your child (their first grandchild) by offering their precious retirement freedom for caring your child free, and funding your child's university education. Not many grandparents would do that.

c) While there are some pros for daycare centres, it also means less attention and less love from the caregivers because there are so many infants they need to care for.

d) In the prior generations, children were mostly raised in home care, primarily from stay at home moms or grandparents. Most of these children turned out ok at school or as adults. It is only in this generation when most mothers work outside that force them to seek daycare services.

e) You may be in a physical, emotional and financial bind with job changes and a new house. This grandparents' care saves u some $2000 a month for daycare or $3000 a month for nanny care. Have grandparents offer a free childcare is a god sent. Your grandparents do not charge u more after midnight care or before midnight, and that u cant say for other caregivers. It is just a job and money for them.

f) You are seeking an opinion in this public forum, but some people offer their opinions based on their opinions or relationships with their parents. Some of their relationships with their parents may not be good. Parenthood, afterall, is about forgiving the last generation, and guiding the next generation.

Hood_Rep wrote: ↑ this is a no brainer
daycare

How much does daycare cost for you in a year?

Bebo123 wrote: ↑ How much does daycare cost for you in a year?

very short-sighted if cost is the only consideration

Hood_Rep wrote: ↑ very short-sighted if cost is the only consideration

Please explain your reasons to recommend that "this is no brainer - daycare", given what OP's situations (cost+other factors), and elaborated above by @fkungery. Your recommendation surprises me and two other persons in this thread.

Another factor to consider with grandparents/grandkids - is the bond. For my family the absolute joy the grandkids bring my parents is amazing, my dad absolute LOVES babysitting and spending time with his grandkids, and the grandkids LOVE their grandparents, they go running to them, begging to be picked up when they see them...it's so cute. My point being, in some cases it helps the grandparents (something to do, feeling important/valued/loved) as it helps the parents. For people who don't have a good relationship with their parents or don't value their relationship with parents, or the grandparents aren't interested this wouldn't apply hence my earlier comment about context.

I didn't have the opportunity to spend much time with my grandparents (they all lived in different countries) - if grandparents and kids have the opportunity to spend time quality time and the feelings are mutual, it's a great opportunity to help cultivate that while the grandparents are alive and healthy. Once they start going to school things ad getting older that dynamic will change. Kids also have have plenty of time socialize and play with other kids once they start JK, which is a relatively early age. It's so funny how we forget that through most of human history we didn't have day care, it's a relatively new concept (last 20-30 years) yet we place so much stock in it (e.g., kids need it for cognitive development). Also, just b/c the kids aren't in daycare doesn't mean they can't go to programs/classes.

I did age 1-2 with grandparents and 2-4 daycare. Paid just over 13k for a year of daycare and got around 4k back on my taxes. Daycare I think is better since I feel less guilty, the food/activities they do are way better, they have actual educators and model off older children

Didn't read all the posts but there are some terrible takes in the OP.

OP apparently didn't read the adjacent thread about a parent asking for tips to teach a child assertiveness and raised concerns about a lack of socialization.

EDIT: Also - what OP doesnt mention is a potential hybrid solution of having the grandparents do pick up. This is the best of both worlds. It decreases the burden on the grandparents. Gives the kid exposure to a structured school environment. Gives the parents a break and to flexiblity to have things potentially run late at the office.

EDIT 2: Apparently i didn't read OP in detail enough

EDIT 3: 2 or 3 days a week? tbh. If both parents are working, what are you gonna do on the other days?

Hood_Rep wrote: ↑ very short-sighted if cost is the only consideration

I agree. I never ever said costs were the ONLY consideration.
There are MANY considerations, many difficult considerations and you would be a fool to say the enormous cost of daycare versus free care is not considered. How is it a clear cut decision if there are many things to think about?
I definitely would NOT use the word no-brainer lol
So very curious…please explain to us how it is a “no brainer” ’to go daycare route.

Young kids are not supposed to stay with strangers. This is a major problem in psychotic western society that also insists on leaving elderly alone and/or in retirement (aka death) homes.

Consider the finding that kids that go to day-orphanages are much more stressed:
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/a ... 0606000421

It was shown that the effect of daycare attendance on cortisol excretion was especially notable in children younger than 36 months. We speculate that children in center daycare show elevated cortisol levels because of their stressful interactions in a group setting.

You can learn about negative effects of stress in childhood, and the importance of forming strong attachments with parents (vs peers) here: