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Wow I just realized I lost ALL my friends from university and high school :(

[OP]
Sr. Member
Jan 25, 2015
575 posts
276 upvotes
Toronto, ON

Wow I just realized I lost ALL my friends from university and high school :(

I made some new friends at work after graduation but looking back I lost all my old friends.

I have changed a lot in the past 7 years. Im more independent and sociable now that I ever was in the past, I feel if i was who i am today back then in university, I would have a lot more friends but I digress.

I recently met up with an old high school friend recently and I hated the fact that i just did not like this guy anymore. He and I just were not compatible anymore. The meeting was quite long as i can hold a conversation but I personally did not like who this old friend has become. He had issues and his line of thinking i did not agree with. I did not want to be involved with him anymore. This made me sad but it had to be done.

College friends, I had 4 that i was close with. Friend #1 was completely my fault as i failed to keep contact with her slowly drifting us apart, I regret this dearly. I was in a place in my life where i was so stressed financially that i failed to meet my social obligations. Too much time has passed for this friendship to rekindle.

Friend #2 i was close with until he got married, I would call him every once and while and we would meet up. Eventually, it got to the point where I was always the one initiating contact. Friendship is a two way street so I just stopped, if he would contact me I would continue the friendship if not i would cut him out. I know he was very busy person with his job and wife but If I'm the only one giving its not a friendship I want to be a part of. So i deleted his number after 2 years of no contact.

Friend #3 was completely by the book. Such a goodie two shoes. I just hated being around him now lmao. He was also lacking normal tools i feel an adult should have in this stage of life. I dont feel like being a baby sitter. He was always smarter than me in university but he did not develop the proper soft skills and as a result his career felt flat. I greatly surpassed him in that regard. My last meet up with him was me trying to help him get a job with advice and resume tips. I did not get any followup from him or much appreciation. Fast forward 4 years he still working in retail (he graduated engineering with coop experience the same year as me). I pity him but he is not my responsibility. If he was a better friend i could have gotten him an entry level job in engineering firm but his actions tell me he didnt deserve that shot and Im not jeopardizing my reputation.

Friend #4 I lost his number. He has no social media lmao.

Fast forward to present day, I wish i made more friends in university. This realization makes me sad, terribly sad.

I only have a handful of friends now, all from work and one childhood friend. This is my mini rant lol.

PS. I am in my late 20s right now
38 replies
Jr. Member
Oct 22, 2019
100 posts
84 upvotes
Hey, that's life. I remember my first job was retail when I was 18, and I found out (during a manager meeting) that this manager was dating this person, this district manager is dating this manager, etc etc (obviously they all didn't work at same stores, separate stores due to conflict of interest), anyways. I always wondered: how come they're all dating each other?? Do they only have friends at work??

Now in my late 20s I realize... you date people you work because when you are done studying, and you want to spend time with your friends.. they're all into their careers, starting a family, working they cannot spend time, forcing you to follow your path and work.. meet new people (from work) etc...

You're right about 7 years can change someone. I met up with my old friend (haven't seen them in years) and it's crazy to think how she said she doesn't want to work because she wants her "boyfriend to do all the working"... It's crazy knowing that when we were young, we never really thought about relationships or asked each other. Knowing she has this mind set I didn't even want to talk to her. I end up working 9-5 job and I met a former high school mate (was never friends with him) and we ended up just clicking. Life sometimes just surprises you like that.
Deal Addict
User avatar
Nov 7, 2007
3060 posts
742 upvotes
Northern Hemisphere
Thats unfortunate. I’m lucky enough to still have close contacts with my childhood friends and university friends. Hard to find someone genuine these days
For wars they come and go, but my soldiers stay eternal.- Tupac
Deal Guru
Apr 17, 2003
10032 posts
6083 upvotes
mikolyyyy wrote: ...
PS. I am in my late 20s right now
You're still young. It's both a good and bad thing (everything has two sides).

Here's what I've learnt (and I might be wrong), and maybe you can consider applying it:
When you meet people, you're seeing a chapter of their life at that instance. They, too, are humans. They, too, have ups and downs (including their flaws). The friend(s) that you don't like now, is only a moment / an instance of them. Long lasting friendship is not about being compatible or liking them. It's not about convenience. Be there, for them...be true to them. Remember when time was simpler, that's the person still inside. When you and your friends get older, you'll see that it was all a dream, and treasure the journey together.
Last edited by chatbox on Apr 5th, 2020 5:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Sr. Member
Nov 22, 2017
612 posts
355 upvotes
Yea friends are a two way street and people change including yourself. But you should always keep things cordial anyways. There's no reason to not send a happy birthday or merry christmas text/email/phone call. They helped you get through a phase of your life because we all are social animals. Friendship is always a function of time. Also, relationships require a lot of energy to maintain but not only that they require EQ because everyone has different personality. If you aren't willing to sacrifice then eventually you might feel like a loser for having no social interactions which are part of human nature.
Member
Oct 17, 2008
494 posts
122 upvotes
Toronto
Lol..... I felt like I'm reading a thread written by me in the past.....

This is normal... I used to think otherwise...my school teacher used to tell us...your friends now will not be your friends when you are older...i used to laugh on it....then I was laughing at myself for not believing it...few things to note:

#1. It is hard to meet someone genuinely interested in friendship nowadays...
#2. Everyone changes - most married friends are occupied by their immediate families...
#3. Continue to be kind to others...don't reciprocate what your 'friends' are doing to you
#4. Don't think of finding dates at work...they can use it against you politically (I've seen enough drama at work)
#5. Continue to make new friends...in life, few close friends are better than too many friends...covid got me to realize that....lol....my free time literally spent on catching up....argh!
Deal Fanatic
Feb 9, 2009
9592 posts
7181 upvotes
Happens. Everyone gets busy. You move across the country. You start dating and need to focus on them. Get married. Have kids.

Its rare that you continue to have all your high school friends. You may have some but most will disappear by the time you go to college anyways.
Deal Addict
User avatar
Dec 28, 2006
2555 posts
475 upvotes
mikolyyyy wrote: I made some new friends at work after graduation but looking back I lost all my old friends.

I have changed a lot in the past 7 years. Im more independent and sociable now that I ever was in the past, I feel if i was who i am today back then in university, I would have a lot more friends but I digress.

I recently met up with an old high school friend recently and I hated the fact that i just did not like this guy anymore. He and I just were not compatible anymore. The meeting was quite long as i can hold a conversation but I personally did not like who this old friend has become. He had issues and his line of thinking i did not agree with. I did not want to be involved with him anymore. This made me sad but it had to be done.

College friends, I had 4 that i was close with. Friend #1 was completely my fault as i failed to keep contact with her slowly drifting us apart, I regret this dearly. I was in a place in my life where i was so stressed financially that i failed to meet my social obligations. Too much time has passed for this friendship to rekindle.

Friend #2 i was close with until he got married, I would call him every once and while and we would meet up. Eventually, it got to the point where I was always the one initiating contact. Friendship is a two way street so I just stopped, if he would contact me I would continue the friendship if not i would cut him out. I know he was very busy person with his job and wife but If I'm the only one giving its not a friendship I want to be a part of. So i deleted his number after 2 years of no contact.

Friend #3 was completely by the book. Such a goodie two shoes. I just hated being around him now lmao. He was also lacking normal tools i feel an adult should have in this stage of life. I dont feel like being a baby sitter. He was always smarter than me in university but he did not develop the proper soft skills and as a result his career felt flat. I greatly surpassed him in that regard. My last meet up with him was me trying to help him get a job with advice and resume tips. I did not get any followup from him or much appreciation. Fast forward 4 years he still working in retail (he graduated engineering with coop experience the same year as me). I pity him but he is not my responsibility. If he was a better friend i could have gotten him an entry level job in engineering firm but his actions tell me he didnt deserve that shot and Im not jeopardizing my reputation.

Friend #4 I lost his number. He has no social media lmao.

Fast forward to present day, I wish i made more friends in university. This realization makes me sad, terribly sad.

I only have a handful of friends now, all from work and one childhood friend. This is my mini rant lol.

PS. I am in my late 20s right now
I have changed a lot in the past 7 years. Im more independent and sociable now that I ever was in the past, I feel if i was who i am today back then in university, I would have a lot more friends but I digress.

Could not agree with you more on this part, I am the same.
Deal Expert
User avatar
Jan 27, 2004
43695 posts
6928 upvotes
T.O. Lotto Captain
andy_ca_cn wrote: Lol..... I felt like I'm reading a thread written by me in the past.....

This is normal... I used to think otherwise...my school teacher used to tell us...your friends now will not be your friends when you are older...i used to laugh on it....then I was laughing at myself for not believing it...few things to note:

#1. It is hard to meet someone genuinely interested in friendship nowadays...
#2. Everyone changes - most married friends are occupied by their immediate families...
#3. Continue to be kind to others...don't reciprocate what your 'friends' are doing to you
#4. Don't think of finding dates at work...they can use it against you politically (I've seen enough drama at work)
#5. Continue to make new friends...in life, few close friends are better than too many friends...covid got me to realize that....lol....my free time literally spent on catching up....argh!
Once in a while... you do find a true bro.
Like this one guy that was a friend of a friend.
He drove me 3 hours to pickup a car. And his friend joined too.
I was like “damn... can i buy you a tank of gas?”
He wouldnt even take a dinner.
We all became bro’s after that.
We hang out once im a blue moon bc bz with life.
But when we do, its a smashing good time!

I thinks when you reach that point in life youre bz with work and partner... you find like minded people who are really cool with the low touch low key friendships. Yah you only meet up once or twice a year... or catch up here and there on the text or social media. But you kind of cherish that connection.
Deal Addict
Feb 4, 2010
3857 posts
2645 upvotes
People come and go into our lives especially as we continue to grow and evolve - we all take different paths and paces, none of which are right or wrong - they just are. I truly believe that people come into your lives (friends, coworkers, employers, enemies) to teach you something you need to learn and sometimes they end up staying in your life, other times they end up leaving.

OP I would caution you to compare yourself to others and then judge them to justify your self-limiting beliefs. It's OK that you're no longer close or compatible with these friends \but I don't think you need to put them or yourself down just because you feel hurt.

Friend #1 - unless she is dead, not sure I understand why you can't just reconnect with her. There's nothing wrong with saying - "Hey I was thinking of you and just wanted to see how you're doing ". I'm sure she would appreciate that.

I also don't understand why you think you had to make all your friends during university and now feel that you don't have any. Once this lockdown is over - consider joining meetups or other groups (e.g. hiking group, sport team, book club) and I'm sure you can make new friends. Part of this involves YOU making an effort by starting conversations, inviting someone for coffee or game, etc.
Before responding to someone (online or offline) ask yourself: is it true? is it helpful? is it kind? is it necessary? This comes from an old Sufi adage that is so relevant today.
Deal Addict
Apr 13, 2017
1368 posts
592 upvotes
Lol. Looking at thread title , I first thought op lost all his friends to COVID .

I’m now relieved Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat
Deal Fanatic
Apr 11, 2006
8279 posts
2880 upvotes
Mississauga
OP, read your description about #1 and then read your description about #2. Are they not, very broadly and generally speaking, flipped situations? You're in both persons' shoes.

Isn't it ironic?
Deal Fanatic
Oct 7, 2010
9278 posts
1401 upvotes
headleygrange wrote: Lol. Looking at thread title , I first thought op lost all his friends to COVID .

I’m now relieved Smiling Face With Open Mouth And Cold Sweat
I think OP wish that they die of covid as his/her old friends just couldn't keep up with thus new awesomeness.
Deal Addict
Dec 28, 2005
4586 posts
1833 upvotes
Ancaster
chatbox wrote: You're still young. It's both a good and bad thing (everything has two sides).

Here's what I've learnt (and I might be wrong), and maybe you can consider applying it:
When you meet people, you're seeing a chapter of their life at that instance. They, too, are humans. They, too, have ups and downs (including their flaws). The friend(s) that you don't like now, is only a moment / an instance of them. Long lasting friendship is not about being compatible or liking them. It's not about convenience. Be there, for them...be true to them. Remember when time was simpler, that's the person still inside. When you and your friends get older, you'll see that it was all a dream, and treasure the journey together.
This is very, very important to keep in mind. Unless you are in contact with someone constantly, you are only seeing a snapshot of their life--doubly so if you only interact on social media. Who knows, maybe someone close to them died and they have been keeping it inside? Maybe they are processing childhood trauma that they are only just now understanding. Maybe it's a late onset of a mental illness? Or maybe you've had life experiences that have matured you more quickly than them. All you can do is try to not judge and accept them as they are. If you find them intolerable, give it some space, you never know how they may change.

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